So I’m allergic to a food and medicine, have IC, have an infection that Geo and I keep passing back, and have sprained my tongue from vigorous French kissing.

That’s awesome.

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Geo: Bye..have a good day.

Me: Alright, bye hon.

Bubba: BYE HON! MAKE MY MONEY!!

I feel like this blog is documenting my downward spiral into complete insanity.

I’m trying to keep a positive attitude but I’m not doing a good job. I’m depressed and sick and tired.

Geo is moving into a new house and doesn’t yet have a bed in his new place. So he showed up at 3 am last night after an all night moving session with his Dad. He was tired and had massive bruises all over his legs. I was a bit grumpy by the late hour, but hey, the man purchased three hundred dollars worth of groceries for me, so…

When I woke up, I had the twinges of urinary tract discomfort. Seriously. Didn’t we just go through this? Didn’t I just get rid of this?

I took medicine, drank a yogurt and went to bed. I woke up and felt worse. I took more medicine and drank a ton of water.

I pondered whether I was going to die from drinking too much water.

The medicine made my UTI symptoms feel better, but did a number on my stomach. I was so sick.

I sat in the bathroom for almost two hours, while Bubba and Snowbaby beat on the door. And informed me that Snowbaby ate money. I still don’t know if she did. “Baby did you eat money?” “Yes” “Did you eat dough?” “Yes” “Did you eat a truck?” “Yes” “Where did the money go?” “Bye Bye”

My eye has swollen from the sinus infection that will not go away.

I had a horrible headache from being dehydrated. By the time I felt well enough to get out of bed, it was noon. The day was a bust. It was too late to go to daycare because they had a phone visit.

Bug took her placement test for this homeschooling program I am considering to supplement the virtual school. And she did horrible. I don’t think she was trying. She only got HALF of the FIRST grade questions right. It recommended that she go to third grade English. She is supposed to be in sixth. I was frustrated.

The phone visit was awful. Mom wasn’t talking, Bubba had a fit and started kicking everyone and saying bad words. After we hung up, he went and bit Bug and threw stuff down the stairs.

I cooked dinner and Callie made rude comments about the sauce on the chicken and then scraped it all off. She refused to eat the pudding I had made as a special treat and was rude about it.

But then she cleaned the kitchen.

But then I also think that she ordered some adult pay per view movies. Obviously without my permission or even knowledge that it was possible.

Then I felt sick to my stomach again.

And my period, which has been screwed up, had stopped and then just started again. All over my pajama pants.

I’m so frustrated. I’m so sad.

I want one day when I’m not in pain. I want one day when I’m not scared to check my bank balance.

I want people to stop eating non-food objects. I want people to eat my freaking dinners.

That is all.

Edited to add: I forgot to mention that the thing that holds my tongue in my mouth? That little thing under the tongue? It is all sore and swollen. WTF?

What is next? Swarms of locusts?

I felt the interview went well. All of the children were quite freaked out, and I had to escort Bug into the room because she was scared. Women with briefcases and cops with guns mean you are being taken away and all of the kids were acting out.

What was said regarding my family member was rather absurd. I got the impression from comments made that the investigator believed that too.

Just remember though, foster parents, document everything!! I had to strip both babies down and explain every mark on them. I had to pull out prescriptions. I know you think that it won’t happen to you, but it will.

Me: I got a hotline call!

Our SW: Oh, ok. Haven’t you had one before?

Me: NO! Never!

Our SW: Oh..don’t worry about it. You’ll get used to it.

Um..ok?

The investigator has 30 days to write up a report and then we should hear something as to whether it was substantiated or not. I am confident that it won’t be substantiated, especially since it simply isn’t true and couldn’t possibly be true no matter what.

It is frustrating though, and disheartening. Especially when you pour your heart, soul and finances into a child and then something like this happens. It is sad.

I am feeling quite low. This past month has left me financially in complete chaos. We got to the point on Sunday when all we had in our fridge was butter. That was it. Geo and I went shopping last night and he filled the fridge and the pantry (and the diaper holder.) I’ve still got to come up with my rent, but after that, I should be ok until the middle of the month when my checks finally arrive. And after that, I should be back to normal and everything should be OK. At least financially.

But nothing is worse than money worries for me, and to add the stress of this situation onto that..well, I’m barely hanging on here.

A child who no longer lives here said that a member of my family physically assaulted them.

I hope it goes without saying but obviously this is completely untrue.

The family member and I, as well as all of the children in the home, are required to meet with an investigator and police this morning.

Will update later.

This morning I had a rent/food issue and a toothache.

This evening I have a rent/food issue, a toothache, and an allegation investigation against the home.

That teaches me to say, “Well it can only get better from here!”

Shoot.

I think I’ve mentioned before that I did a majority of my college courses online. I love the online learning format and I find that I learned the best that way.

I was really excited when my state announced plans to start a “virtual school.” They made it available to all students..homeschooled, public school, private school. And they had a certain number of seats which were available through money funded by the state. Meaning if you got one of those seats, you could attend for free. If they filled up all the seats, you had to pay tuition if you wanted to attend.

Unfortunately though, this year they are only offering K-5 and 9-12 (including a pretty kick ass AP program and even a Latin program.) However, when I went to read about it, I realized that there was an opportunity for Bug here. Just because the classes were ranked as “5th grade” doesn’t mean that they wouldn’t be appropriate for Bug, who technically should be attending sixth grade when she resumes schooling. (We are taking a short summer break.)

For instance, they are offering 5th grade Art. Bug and I studied some Art while she was homeschooled and when she was in public school she had art once a week. But she didn’t have a comprehensive Art class, or at least as comprehensive as I would have preferred, especially given her artistic talent.

So I went ahead and put Bug into the lottery in order to get a seat and I signed her up for 5th grade Art, Music, Technology Literacy, Spanish (she’s never taken Spanish..only Latin so far), and Math (she is behind in math.)

I just got word that all the kids who went into the initial lottery got a spot, so once Bug’s age and residency are verified, she will get to take all five of those classes online. The classes are available 24 hours a day, and like I said..they are free!

I’m really excited about that. I think Bug will enjoy it, and it will take a big load off of me in terms of lesson planning and having to purchase homeschooling materials. It will also help with the record keeping. Our state is pretty lax about homeschooling records..we don’t have to turn in anything or even tell anyone we are homeschooling, but we are supposed to keep records and have to produce them if they ask for them.

I will be teaching her History, Science, Latin, English and Literature. And whatever else we throw in. I’m thinking about doing a Charlotte Mason approach for those subjects because Bug is SO into reading and I think she would learn well that way instead of learning through doing workbooks or the like. I haven’t worked that out yet.

So good news for sixth grade Bug. Looking ahead, I would guess that Bug will not attend public school again, unless her behavior drastically changed. Our area has such a large homeschooling group, with a graduation ceremony and field trips and the like, that Bug will never hurt for socialization. She just can not flourish in a public school setting right now, and I’m not sure if she ever will be able to.

I’m not upset about it though, because I certainly would have attended a virtual school had it been an option when I was in high school.

Dear Sinus Infection who has decided to live in the right side of my face forever,

Please go away. I beg you. I keep pumping you full of medicine and antibiotics but you seem to stubbornly stick around, hoping I’ll change my mind. I won’t. I do not like your green snot, or the fact that you make it impossible to breathe out of one side of my nostril, or the fact that you are causing the most horrible tooth pain ever.

Nice knowing you,

Baggage

Dear the teeth in the back right of my head,

Yes, I know the last time I had pain like this, I didn’t have a sinus infection. I had a horribly infected tooth which had to be ripped out of my head and cost us a tremendous amount of money. But I’m holding onto the hope that the green snot is a good sign. Hopefully it is, well, as much as green snot can be considered good.

Sorry about all the grinding,

Baggage

Dear my hoo-ha:

Are you feeling left out of the ailment brigade or something? Because I’m not quite sure why you are randomly bleeding. Please stop ruining my cute Victoria’s Secret panties at once.

(Sorry about the antibiotics)

Baggage

Dear my right eye,

FOUR STYS? FOUR???? ON ONE EYE? ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

I hate you,

Baggage

Dear Veteran’s Administration,

I think it is a big load of crap that you do not pay for ADD medications. I can’t work without my medicine, but I can’t get my medicine because it costs too much, but I can’t get enough money to afford it because I can’t work. Nice.

I’m so glad that being 50% disabled means nothing to you, VA. You suck.

Baggage

Dear Patrick,

If you actually read my blog, I’m sure that after you have read about my many physical problems, the least of which is green snot, I will lose any shot I had with you.

I understand. It is me, not you. Enjoy the wife and the kids and the hit TV show on ABC. I’ll settle for the 47 minutes of joy you give me on Thursday nights. Hopefully I can still see you through my sty-infested swollen eye.

Hugs and Kisses,

Baggage

I’ve always been the type of reader who can never get enough of books. Growing up, I always had a book in my hand. I can read very fast, so for most of my life I’ve picked up a book and finished it a few short hours later. I was never one to read a book over the span of a week or a month. That would drive me nuts.

Over the past months though, my reading has been greatly curtailed. I’ve mostly stuck to reading People and the books I’m sent to review. Even then, I’ve read then five minutes here while cooking dinner or ten minutes before I can’t keep my eyes open any longer.

Until I started reading Once Upon a Day. I couldn’t stop reading it. That particular night, Geo tried to be really nice and show up at around 1 am with candy for me since I was feeling depressed. Except I didn’t want the candy, I just wanted to know what happened next. I didn’t care about sleep, didn’t care about sugar, only cared about these characters.

Once Upon a Day can best be described as a modern take on a fairy-tale. The whole story has the feel of a world where you recognize the places and the events, but nothing feels exactly like it does when you put the book down and go back to your real life.

The book centers around a 23 year old named Dorothea, who has been raised in isolation from the rest of the world. One day she sets out to find where her brother, who was also raised with her, went to. Lisa Tucker’s writing is often beautiful and the images she creates stayed with me. I became invested in her characters, even though they all are flawed and at times, quite unlikeable. (Grey’s Anatomy, anyone?)

Once upon a Day is a love story and a mystery and has enough of a interesting twist that I couldn’t put it down. And in my life right now, that is saying a lot.

Find out what other bloggers though at Mother-Talk.

Spoiler/sensitive subject alert: The book does contain references to an assault and a miscarriage. Neither was done in a way that was particuarly upsetting to me, but be aware if these are triggers for you.

I’ve mentioned recently that money is tight. I didn’t have a lot of reserves built up when the kids came, and every bit of money I had, plus some, went to getting them the things they needed like clothes, beds, bedding, toys, etc.  When I got my tax return, most of it vanished repaying loans that I had gotten from friends/family to get me through that time. I’ve never had a chance to rebuild up any extra money because I haven’t been able to work. I’ve had to stand up for myself a few times over the past few weeks and say “HEY! Just because I work at home doesn’t mean I DO NOT WORK.” Of course, it doesn’t always work. Like today, I lost three hours when I had to transport the kids to a visit in the middle of my “work” day. I complained about it, but it is a fine line of complaining vs. pissing DFS off.  You don’t want to piss DFS off.

And then of course, Callie came with nothing but her trash bag. And I’ve driven an obscene amount of miles this month. And now I’m in a major financial crisis. I’ve been working as much as I can, after the kids go to sleep, during naptime, getting up early. But there is only so much I can do and I’m getting stressed out beyond belief.

Last night, I worked until I couldn’t stay up anymore, and then I went to bed, trying to keep the faith that something would get straightened out.

Of course, I woke up to find that Cingular says I owe them $400 bucks, and when I said I didn’t, they shut off my phone. Which is quite unfortunate.

I know things are going to improve soon, because I really am scraping bottom. I did get a package from one of you fine people for Callie, and I got a gift card from my sister which was totally unexpected and surprising, and I got Bug classified as a behavioral child which will get us more money each month.

But anyone who thinks you can raise a child on $220 dollars a month, especially when they are in diapers, is nuts. And you can throw us a picnic to show your appreciation, but what you really need to do is to stop asking foster parents to give and give and give and give and give, while not giving them anything back in return.

Anyway, if you don’t hear from me for a few days, that is why.

Callie says that a lot. “I don’t mean to sound stupid but…” She said it last night after she cried and she said it today when she was saying she was excited about the day we have planned for tomorrow.

I’ve been reassuring her that expressing how she feels is not stupid at all.

We had a good food day today. I’ve been encouraging her to help me come up with meals that she would like. Today she wanted chicken stir fry, so we went to the store together and got the stuff. Bug was not at all impressed, but Callie ate the whole thing with a smile on her face. Callie also spent a good deal of time going through my cookbooks and marking down recipes that she thought she would like.

I’m trying to get her involved in the meal decisions. I’m not sure how much truth there is to the list of foods she doesn’t like, but I also know I went through periods of time where I hated certain foods, like Ranch dressing. You also have to remember she came from one home where I’m sure they ate different things than we eat. Moving to a new home is difficult. She has to get used to what we eat, and what we drink, and what we like. And of course, she is also a teenage girl who would like to lose some weight. It is a delicate balance.

And of course, what the hell do I know? I’ve never parented an almost 16 year old. Sometimes I wonder how in the world I ended up being mom to a 15, 11, 3 and 2 year old. No freaking idea. So much of parenting is a crap shoot anyway. What works with one kid doesn’t with the other. What should be effective isn’t because your kid is in foster care. But I’ve noticed that I’m definitely a lot more confident in my parenting skills than I was a year ago. Which is good, I guess, since I’m now responsible for a lot more people!

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Building up some good nutrition habits in children early can help them throughout their lives