Butterfly: Mommy?

Me: Yes?

Butterfly: Are we all like dolls for Jesus to play with?

Bug got her interim report about a week ago and she had all B’s and one C+ in social studies. This was the best interim (or report card) she has ever gotten. I was quite impressed.

Even more impressive was the fact that she is reading ALL THE TIME. I’m not sure what switched on in her head, but she isn’t even allowed to read Babysitter’s Club books for her school reading level anymore. She is above them. She was working her way through my “Series of Unfortunate Events” books and was reading “The Secret Garden.” She said, “I liked the movie so I figured I would give the book a try.”

She always has a book in her hand. She reads in the bathroom, in the car, and on the bus. For me, it is one of the greatest things that I have witnessed in the past year. Not only does she read, but it has improved her spelling and her writing. I’m no longer as worried as I was before.

I went shopping yesterday. I had planned on leaving around 5 am, but when I woke up I felt so sick that I said, “screw that.” But I had already gotten a babysitter, so I decided to travel to the “small city” so I could go to real stores like Target and ToysRUs and the mall. Of course, it takes about an hour and a half to get there and it is the most boring drive ever. It’s a straight shot through cotton fields. (Although I think seeing cotton on the side of the road is cool.)

There are many strange things on the ride though. There are a lot of God billboards, including one that talks about Jesus’ cheekbones and apparently was put up there by a man who says he saw Jesus and that he had bangs. There are several adoption ones, including one that shows a cute baby and says, “2 Million Couples Are Waiting to Adopt.”

Which..OK? I am guessing this is aimed at pregnant woman, which is just crummy. Hey! There are two million couples who want your baby! Not to mention, what about us single folks? We want your baby too, damn it! Include us on the billboard!

There is also an abortion graveyard thing, that has a gigantic painting of Jesus and a field of white crosses which I guess represent aborted fetuses.

I don’t think I need to tell you that I was bursting with the Christmas spirit by the time I got to the mall.

Target was a madhouse with people literally cart to cart. It was kind of fun though. I did manage to find a Bratz doll for $9 bucks. And it was one that was fully dressed, which is my requirement, which elimates 99% of Bratz dolls. (Yes, I know, friends don’t let friends buy Bratz, but this one is actually cute, not slutty). I got Bug this kick ass Mustang remote contol car for half price. And I made it to Best Buy and ToysRus too.

Oh! And I heard a woman ask a very skinny woman with a tiny little flabby stomach if she expecting. It was god awful. Especially since the woman, who was not expecting, was getting ready to fit the other woman for a bra. And who the hell stole all the XS panties from Victoria’s Secret?? Not that I was shopping for myself. I was Christmas shopping!

(I also got a pair of Old Navy Jeans for 10 bucks. For me. Shhh!)

And to top off the day I got to talk with my mom about sperm again, particuarly about if me and Geo have “the sex” and I use donor sperm, how will I know who the baby’s daddy is??

Answer: Maury Povich. Duh Mom.