Wow! Where did all you people come from? Suddenly people were popping out from everywhere to congratulate me and it truly made my day. Thank you all.

Elswhere asked where I am going to hang my diploma..probably in the bathroom. “Maybe you could learn to like me too sir? Hang ME in the bathroom?”

Between FINALLY graduating and the BDH and all this good is happening, there is a part of me that is in disbelief. I hate the part of depression that makes you feel that even though good things are happening, something bad must be around the corner. But for right now I feel happy. I am done with college. FINALLY. I am living in this great house, and everytime I walk around I can’t believe I am this lucky. And even Geo is being great..once my final grades hit the system he came over with ice cream, M&M’s and a new blender (because I wanted a McFlurry and McD’s was closed) and a really nice office chair to replace my POS one that I’ve been complaining about forever. And a big bouquet of flowers.

I did manage to drop a bottle of BBQ sauce on my toe while I was packing and now my toe could be a stunt double for a dead body on CSI. Which might bring in some extra cash, so I’m looking into it.

Technorati Tags: depression, education, CSI

Abnormal Psychology: B

Really Hard Math Class: B

Lifestyle Enhancement: B

Women’s Studies: B

Writing Proficiency Test: Pass

Baggage: COLLEGE GRADUATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Technorati Tags: college graduation, education

Still no news on the grades. Of course, I should be in my cap and gown about to walk across the stage, but no way I was making Bug sit through 600 names being read. We’ll just have our own celebration, that is, if they ever decide to let me know if I graduated.

It is funny how the right house can make you feel so much better. We moved the beds and washer and dryer over to the BDH last night and slept over there. Even though most of my stuff is still at the HOC (house of crap), it felt so nice to wake up there. Can I tell you what a huge difference having a laundry room makes?? My God. I feel like Martha Stewart. I don’t know why.

I can’t believe it is almost Christmas. I haven’t done anything like I usually do. I am usually Miss Christmas Over Achiever but this year I’ve been slacking bad. I need to get Geo things, I need to find a few more thing for Bug. Ugh. But first I need to pick up all this stuff and move it to the other house. One step at a time.

Did I mention that unless I want to pay $100 a month, I have to get dialup. DIAL.UP. How long do you think I last before I start shelling out the $100 a month?

Well, if you are sitting on your computer anxiously refreshing to see if I am going to graduate (Hi Mom!) then here is the latest…

First off, how can grades not be due until Monday night? When graduation is tomorrow?? What, they let you walk and then tell you, “Just kidding!! We need our gown back please.”

So I’ve secured B’s in two classes. I’m waiting on grades in the two classes which do not keep online gradebooks (all my classes are online, so we usually get our grades back through an online gradebook.) One class is math, in which the professor told me that I have a B right now, pending the written portion of my final. (Which I think I did good on.) The other is womens studies, where my gradebook looks like the BDH right now..big and empty. I’m not quite sure why my grades in that class weren’t updated, and I have never gotten an answer from my professor. But finally she is responding to my emails where I have resent all the papers I have written (this is a no test class..all writing) and detailed forums which I didn’t have grades for, etc.

And finally, she said, “Baggage, you WILL pass this course.” (And I’m sure she muttered, “Damn insensitive kid. It is Friday night!”
(I hope she doesn’t read this blog. If so, LOVED the course. LOVE feminism. I am not weaker than a man. Frailty is a myth. I got it.)

So, I need a 2.5 GPA this semester to graduate.

Which means I either need to get a B in math and a D in WS or a C in math and a C in WS.

So I’m waiting for confirmation on either one right now.

This is tough for me, because leaving college the first time was a killer to my self-esteem, and when I went back to college I actually cried in the parking lot in my dad’s arms because I was so scared. Somehow in my mind I had equated the fact that I left college as a indictment of my intelligence, rather than a result of untreated depression and anxiety and a panic disorder.

I used to wonder why I felt somewhat intelligent, when I obviously couldn’t be because I couldn’t get my degree.

Now I’m this close, and I’m still nervous. I know this piece of paper won’t mean much..I’m not planning on changing anything in my life after I graduate.

But it will mean a lot to my mental health.

Click for Final Grades. Refresh. Refresh. Refresh.

Technorati Tags: college graduation

I’m in my final two weeks of college. This is the last week for all the assignments and last minute tests to be crammed in. And then next week is my finals.

Yesterday was last minute college algebra day.

I am so horrible at math. HORRIBLE. I was fairly good at math in my early years. But then two things happened. First, I was 13. And I have a major memory block of my 13th year. I really only remember 3 or 4 days AT ALL, and somehow all my algebra knowledge seemed to have gone at the window as well. Then, in tenth grade, I took geometry and Algebra II at the same time, and then I had to miss two months of school because of my whole bad ovary/tube fiasco. I had home tutors, but the one just watched soap operas. The other was my Algebra II teacher, but somehow I still didn’t learn anything.

So now, I am horrible at math. I can not do any math in my head, at all. The only math I really do now is seeing how much money is left in my checking account, calculating what cycle day I am on, checking my blog stats, and counting down the hours to Grey’s Anatomy.

When I first started college, I took college algebra and I BOMBED IT. Horribly. Granted, I also took it in a class with 500 other students where the professor had such a thick accent that I couldn’t understand anything he said, much less the part about math.

But this semester I had to take it, and take it online, and so it has been very traumatic for all involved. Yesterday I worked on math assignments ALL DAY LONG. And it wasn’t even numbers. It was all this log and ln stuff. Which is cheating. Because math should be numbers, and also…I do not care about the life cycle of fruit flies. I also do not need to figure out a mathematical formula to determine how many minutes (to the nearest whole number) it takes for my pizza to go from 400 degrees to 250 degrees if my kitchen is 73 degrees. Really. I don’t care. I will just burn the roof of my mouth like the rest of us math idiots.

But I have to get at least a C in this class or I won’t graduate. So I sat all day long and did math. Then I took Bug to basketball and went to half price night at the Chinese restaurant with Bug and Geo.

I had to take a math exam and I finally started it after all the assignments were done. My last exam was 13 questions. This one was 39 questions and all of them had multiple parts to it. I was a nervous wreck.

At midnight, my time was up and I had to take the written portion so it could be emailed over before the deadline.

By the this point, my ass hurt from sitting on it so long. My eyes were blurry. If someone said “f of x” to me one time, I was likely to poke my #2 pencil up their nose.

So I did what any mature young woman does. I flung myself on my bed and cried. “I am not doing. I don’t care. Math can kiss my ass. I hate it. HATE IT.” Geo pulled himself away from Ebay and patted my shoulder. “It’s ok. You can do it. It is only five questions. You are so smart. I could never do this. You are doing great.”

“NOOOO I AM NOTTTTT. I AM SOOOO TIREDDDDD AND I HAVE CRAMPSSSS.. CRAMPPPSSS. PLUS. YOU TOOK TOO LONG EATING YOUR ICE CREAM. IF YOU GUYS DIDN’T EAT ICE CREAM, I WOULD HAVE BEEN DONE BY NOW. I *HATE* ICE CREAM!” Then I cried some more.

Geo went and hid in the office.

Finally I finished the damn thing, scanned it, and sent it on its merry way. I crawled into bed completely dressed in a weird mishmash of my jeans, Geo’s t-shirt (”I can’t concentrate because my shirt smells like the restaurant!”) Geo’s hoodie, and some, and I’m not lying, ladybug socks that said, “Good Luck.” And then I cried some more because I didn’t want to sleep in my jeans but I was too exhausted to take them off.
I still have a comprehensive final to take, and I am pretty sure it is going to push me over the edge.