Blogging about foster care can be somewhat difficult. Because I am a foster parent, I am bound by the laws of confidentiality. Specifically, I have been told that I can’t discuss the kid’s cases with anyone not involved.
Now, it is somewhat a gray area in this blog. Obviously I am writing about real children here. I am writing about a real four year old little boy. But I am not writing about a four year old boy named “Bubba” who lives in Cubs country and looks like that cartoon at the top of the page. There is no little girl named Snowbaby who walks around in a snowsuit all day. I feel like I can talk on this blog because I try very hard to keep anything that would identify who these children are or who their parents are off line.
I don’t talk a lot about what happens in meetings, or how Mom missed phone calls or visits, or what was said in court. I try to stick with the basics…”The kids are staying in care.” I realize that this makes the blog somewhat less interesting. Trust me, these cases are like soap operas. If I told you all the details of the cases, this blog would be much more popular because of the compelling stories involved.
But I don’t write about that because it is not my story. It is the kid’s story. If I told you that the mom murdered two kids and punched the judge in court and tried to spit on me, you would make judgements and post things like “That mom sucks! You are much better mom than she is! That mom is trash!” I see these types of comments on some foster care blogs where the foster parents are obviously angry about the birth parents. Now, you might think that the birth mom sucks. And maybe I do too. But I am not going to write badly about my kid’s birth moms online. And by badly, I mean I’m not going to list all the reasons the kids are in care. I’m not going to talk about her shortcomings and the things that she has failed to do.
I respect these children and their right to grow up and form their own opinions. I wouldn’t want my children growing up and reading this blog and seeing how I told the world that their mom doesn’t give a damn about them. Because really, how do I know how she feels? Sure, I can be judgemental (and I’m not going to pretend that I’m not) but that needs to exist in my own head. Never to the kids and certainly not to the entire internet.
I have two main reasons for blogging. The first is that I want to show what it is like to be a foster parent. I want to show that you don’t have to be perfect. You don’t have to be a superwoman, you don’t have to have a perfect past. You can be completely unperfect like me and still make a difference. More importantly, I want to shed light on these kids. Each time I get a comment saying how wonderful one of my kids is, I smile, because that is what I’m trying to do here. I want people to love Bug and Callie and Elle and Meredith and Snowbaby and Bubba and think, “Hey, I could do that. I would take Snowbaby home right now!”
Because there are so many Bugs and Callies and Elles and Merediths and Snowbabies and Bubbas out there that need someone. They need someone badly. And if you can love my kids, then maybe you will go find another foster kid to love.
That all being said..today I am going to break one of my own rules and talk for a second about a case.
The Adoption and Safe Families Act states that a petition to terminate parental rights must be filed when a child has been in foster care 15 out of the 22 most recent months unless the child is being cared for by a relative, there exists a compelling reason why TPR would not be in the child’s best interest, or the family has not been provided services.
Although this is federal law, not all judges abide by it strictly. In my area, parents are told from the first meeting of this requirement and the judge appears to be fairly consistent in following the law the way it is written. Of course, these things take time. A TPR petition is usually not filed exactly at fifteen months, it depends on court dates, then a trial date has to be set and summons have to be issued and it can be quite a process.
But the fifteen month mark is a fairly good indicator of how the case is going to go. If a case gets to fifteen months without substantial progress from the parents, the case shifts to DFS having to show a compelling reason as to why rights should not be terminated.
Today marks fifteen months that Bubba and Snowbaby have been in foster care.
