Go see what Callie and I are going to be for Halloween…

Today I met my daughter’s 18 year old boyfriend and his mother. Polite, nice kid who shocked the girls by not only paying for Callie’s movie ticket but also opening the door for her and then inviting her to church the next day.

I think it is official now. I’m old. I’m a grown up.

I love it. 

We got a package in the mail yesterday that contained several surveys that Callie, Izzy and I needed to fill out. They are part of an independent living program that the girls will be taking part in. These assessments are to see what skills they still need in order to live on their own once they are old enough to leave foster care.

There is a survey for the girls to assess their own skills and then an almost identical one for me to assess their skills. There is also a needs/strengths worksheet for us to complete together. The survey covers questions dealing with everything from “Does the youth know how to obtain their credit score?” to “Does the youth know how check clothing-care directions when doing laundry?”

There were a few I wasn’t sure of so I asked the girls.

“Hey, Callie. Do you know what two symptoms of pregnancy are?”

“Well, one I do for sure. You eat a lot of pickles.”

So today I had my mental health appointment. This is the guy I’ve seen before that can’t hear anything I say.

“I can’t concentrate.”

“You say you like to gain weight?”

“No, I can’t concentrate”

“OK, so how long have you had trouble with your leg?”

One thing I talked about is my obsessive thoughts. I’ve talked before about laundry and how I don’t want my laundry to touch other people’s.  I also freaky about bugs. I shake out all my clothing a certain way each time. Shake shake shake then flip over and shake shake shake and then back and forth. Also I’m a bit of a checker, but not really bad. I just have to double or triple check things, especially the hair straightener. I’m terrified that I left it on all the time.

Izzy had a psych eval done by a woman here in town and I really really liked her. I decided to have her do counseling with Callie and Bug too. It is important to me that I am present during Bug’s counseling sessions because of her reactive attachment disorder. I kept trying to get Bug’s last therapist to understand, but he didn’t. I mentioned this to this woman and she immediately said, “Oh yes, definitely! These need to be with the two of you since she is RAD.” So she was hired.

(Oh speaking of therapists..Izzy’s psychiatrist? She called the other day for Izzy and when I asked who it was she said it was Small Town Public Library. WTF? It really bothers me that she would lie to me like that about my minor daughter. I mean, I understand that they are trying to keep privacy or whatever, but couldn’t she just say it was “her doctor” or something? I don’t like that at all. Also, this same therapist was discussing side effects of the medication she was on and she says, “Well, this can also cause some sexual side effects..how is your sex life?” And I’m like, Hello? Did you just ask my 17 year old daughter, who you know has issues with innappropriate male attention seeking, how her SEX LIFE is, IN FRONT OF ME?)

Where was I? Oh yeah, the good doctor. Let’s call her…Dr. Bailey. So Dr. Bailey asks all kids two questions. What do they like best about Mom (or Baggage, depending on the kid) and what do they not like so much?

Izzy said that she likes that I am nice and I do things for them. She said there was nothing she didn’t like.

Bug said that she likes that I am funny and that she doesn’t like that I make her do schoolwork.

Then it was Callie’s turn.

“What do I like about her? She is very openminded. She’s not close-minded like other foster parents.”

“So what is your least favorite thing?”

“She’s OCD!”

And then she burst out laughing.

“Seriously..it is not a really bad thing or anything because she hasn’t made me really pissed off the whole time I lived with her, but she really is OCD. Once, Izzy put on a pair of her socks and so she THREW THEM AWAY.”

And then she started cracking up again.

I started cracking up too.

Good thing the doc started me on medicine this morning, don’t ya think?

IMFROMBAGGAGE: Hey, since you guys weren’t around in the spring, I have to tell you some important rules.

IMFROMCALLIE: Ok, what are they?

IMFROMBAGGAGE: I’m going to tell you, but tell Izzy too.

IMFROMCALLIE: Ok.

IMFROMBAGGAGE: 1) DO NOT TALK WHEN GREY’S ANATOMY IS ON.

IMFROMBAGGAGE: 2) DO NOT MAKE NOISE WHEN GREY’S ANATOMY IS ON.

IMFROMBAGGAGE: 3) THE ONLY EXCEPTION TO THESE RULES IS IF THE HOUSE IS ON FIRE OR YOU ARE BEING ATTACKED BY DEMENTORS.

IMFROMCALLIE: LOL. Ok I got it.

IMFROMBAGGAGE: I think the rules for Grey’s Anatomy are the same as the rules for the 9th inning of a late September Cubs game.

IMFROMCALLIE: LOL. If you say so.

IMFROMBAGGAGE: Another important rule would be not to hit me every five seconds so I have to call your social worker and then you get hospitalized and I miss all of Grey’s Anatomy.

IMFROMCALLIE: LOL! Ok, I promise.

IMFROMCALLIE: Our house has the most unique rules.

Callie has started her own blog and would freak out if she got some comments, so if you are a member of the “Callie fan club” would you mind check it out?

I’m Rick James <–Callie’s blog

So the meeting was..um..not fun.

I can imagine it is not comfortable for Mom either, to be in a room with the “team,” especially if you feel the team is out to get you.

Although, I was a little more comfortable with this meeting than the others because I felt like they addressed some of the things that Mom isn’t doing that she needs to be and were honest with her. Of course, Mom didn’t like to hear any of that and became very defensive. Of course, if she is going to get these kids back she is going to need to stop being defensive and start taking responsibility for herself and her actions. I can say, based on what she said today, that she is nowhere near close to doing that and to be honest, her time is running out. The team is trying to maintain a balance between giving Mom time to do what she needs to do and giving the kids stability. Of course, they can only offer her so much help. At some point, she has to take responsibility for herself and those kids and it is just not happening.

*************

I have a large walk-in pantry and one thing I’ve been trying to do it buy things in bulk. I’ve set up several Amazon subscriptions for laundry soap, etc. I’m trying to buy a freezer so that I can really buy more things in bulk. They are pretty expensive, but I think it would help a lot because I could buy the big packs of meat and divide them up into smaller bags.

Today we hit up the local discount grocery store. We bought 3 packs of stain remover, 5 packs of baking soda, 12 cans of peas, 12 cans of corn, 12 cans of pork and beans. 5 bottles of apple juice, 3 bottles of vinegar, 6-12 packs of diet soda, 3 packages of applesauce and a lot more. It filled up two carts (And only cost $200 by the way..yay for discount grocery stores.)

I sent Callie to go get some boxes of this pasta salad stuff that the kids really like.

“Hey!” she yelled. “Mrs. Duggar, how many of these things do you want?”

I won’t bore you with the stories about how I was assumed to be enrolling for high school. I mean, you all knew they were coming right?

God, high school sucks. I wouldn’t want to be back in high school for anything. (Well, except maybe to be in the colorguard. That was cool.)

But since when did high school girls get so…skanky? Damn. Right when we walked in, there was some girl paying (in nickles) for her transcript. She had just graduated and was trying to register at the community college. She turned to me, sunglasses in one hand, designer bag in the other, and said, “Ugh. Seriously. Don’t wait to the last minute to get your transcript sent once you graduate. Because they totally make you prove that you graduate in order to go to college.”

Um. Thanks.

There was a huge number of girls who looked like they fell out of MTV. Cell phones, skirts, high heels. Much worse than I remember school being.

And of course, no one knew what to make me of me. The girl who looks 16 but is the mom to one biracial 16 year old and one 17 year old.

We had to meet with the assistant principals. One was a very stern looking bald man. The other was a loud guy, who you could tell bald man hated. He said, “Here’s what I tell all my new girls. Don’t get a boyfriend in the first two weeks. Because he’ll turn out to be some girl’s ex. And that girl with be CRAAAZY. And then you’ll have the crazy girl talking smack about you and then you’ll get in a fight.”

I thought that was good, practical advice.

They took Callie off to register, while I had to go meet with the special education people regarding Izzy. Izzy was really good natured (except for last  night when I vetoed her outfit. “What’s wrong with looking slutty.” she asked. “Everything” responded Callie.) She wanted to take PE and Art and it looked like they were going to be able to work that out for her. When I left, they were trying to get her to be able to take some sort of job program as well. She’ll be in special ed for all of her main subjects..math, science, English, etc.

When I was done with her, I went back to find Callie who was still waiting and looked like she was going to throw up. We finally got called into a counselor, who looked at me like she couldn’t quite figure out who I was. She asked Callie if she had thought about where she wanted to go to college and seemed kind of shocked when Callie said she wanted to be a truck driver.

Callie is going to have to repeat 10th grade, which is mostly due to her being hospitalized in the past. But the school has a program where you can make up credits and also night school, so between the two of them, we are hoping she will be able to graduate on time.

By the way, Callie’s choice for clothes for the first day of school? A t-shirt that said “I (skull and cross-bones) STUPID BOYS.

Right on Callie.

After that, I took my homeschoolers (Bug and Snowbaby) to get Build a Bear Happy Meals as a special treat.

Snowbaby and Bubba are just talking up a storm and doing so good on potty training. Snowbaby has pooped and peed in the potty since we’ve been home. God, I hope they get out of pullups and diapers. That will save so much money. The best part is that they are getting so vocal that it helps with behavior so much. Bubba was able to tell me last night that his ear hurt. Remember when he first came and he didn’t even know his name was Bubba? I mean, for a kid to walk up to me and say, “Mom. I don’t feel good. My ear hurts.” It blows me away. The other thing about Bubba that I love is that he answers “Yes” instead of “Yeah or Yup.” It sounds so formal coming from him. “Do you need to go potty? Yes.”

He’s so cute. I can’t wait for him to start school again, his teacher is going to be BLOWN away. “I see my teacher on Monday (that is the only time word he knows..he uses it to mean yesterday or tomorrow or really any day other than today.) and I tell her I’m a dude! I don’t wear no diapers no more.”

The little kids are supposed to visit with their mom for the first time in over a month tomorrow, so hopefully they don’t completely fall apart.

The house seems so quiet now with just Bug and Snowbaby here. I’m looking forward to starting school with Bug next week and getting to spend more time with just her. She’s been doing really good lately. She’s trying to earn a hermit crab.

Well, thats it for now. Happy first day of high school!

Izzy is very excited for school to start. Of course, it starts on Wednesday and the school is still scrambling to get the girls enrolled. So who knows.

Last week, a BIG box of school stuff came for Bug. I am VERY impressed with the curriculum. I’ve read through most of it and I can honestly say that the things she will be doing at home are much more intensive than what she was doing at the public school. I really like that there is a lot of reading and writing required. Not only because I love to read and write, but also because I think that having a strong communications background helps so much when you go to college.

Bug is doing her orientation today. She loves the fact that she gets to log in and that she has her own little “home page.” My goal is to get a second computer with a second phone line hooked up so that she can do work without being on my computer, because come on. I have blogs to read.

Actually, only her Spanish class is completely online. The rest of her courses are primarily off line with some online stuff thrown in.

Bug’s school doesn’t start until next week, but last night she begged to do an assignment so she did her first math lesson. Did you hear that? She BEGGED to do an ASSIGNMENT. Let’s see how long that lasts!

Callie kind of got screwed. When we were talking about her placement here, she made it very clear that she didn’t want to go to our high school. So DFS told her that was no problem. Then they told me they were going to get approval for me to be reimbursed for the 40 miles a day I would need to drive her if she went to another school.

Then they told us, “Uh..never mind. Just kidding. You have to go to the local high school. Even though we told you that you didn’t have to.”

And she was pissed.

She is having major anxiety about this school thing. So much so that last night she declared that she was going to hang herself out the window. Actually her plan was just to say she was going to hang herself, so she could be hospitalized and not have to go to school.

Now, I knew what she was doing and she knew what she was doing. Izzy didn’t understand it and was upset. But of course I had to call the worker and the crisis line and our worker talked to her and everything is ok now. She is mainly concerned that she is going to get lost and not be able to find her classes, so we will be making a special trip up to the school to make sure she knows where to go.

Yesterday was Callie’s birthday.

With the missing $382, things were a little more tight than I wanted. But I promised her a haircut (she hadn’t gotten one in 7 years because no one would take her), eyebrow waxing and a manicure plus an outifit to wear to the theater.

On Friday we went to the store. And then another store and then back to the same store. Callie couldn’t figure out what she wanted and she didn’t like the way things looked on her. Meanwhile, Bug was grabbing things off the shelf and having a fit because she couldn’t get a new outfit. Izzy was in the dressing room trying on things and when I said, “Well, it looks nice but I’m not buying everyone new outfits” she said, “Ok, you can just buy me the shirt then.”

After that, I took the kids to the goodwill. That is one of their favorite places to go because they are good at finding the good stuff and I’m much more likely to buy jeans for 3 or 4 dollars than fifty or sixty. I know some people are anti-thrift shop, but my kids love it. And if you look hard enough, you can find some really nice stuff.

That trip went ok, but then the next day, I decided we would go do haircuts, Callie’s manicure, and then go to the pool. I dressed the little kids in swim diapers and put clothes on over their swimsuits.

Getting the haircuts was a disaster. Snowbaby and Bubba would not calm down, Bug got chastized for hair cleanliness (again), Izzy threw a fit, and Callie sat and complained that other people got haircuts and that only she should get them.

$80 later, I sent Callie to get her nails done while we went into the store. I noticed that Snowbaby and Bubba had gotten themselves soaked through the swim diapers. Of course, I had no change of clothes. When I told Bubba he should have gone to the potty, he pulled the slip I was buying over to him and SAT ON IT. So now my new slip was covered in pee. Bug wanted nail polish and Snowbaby was screeching and neither Bubba nor Snowbaby would walk. I had to carry their pee covered bodies back to the nail place. Where Callie hadn’t even got started yet. Frustrated, I went to wait in the van with the little kids and then Callie got in the car and immediately started complaining about the nail place.

Finally I said, “Listen. I don’t mind buying you guys things or taking you places. I like doing it. But there are five kids in this family. And I don’t have a money tree. Not everyone is going to get everything they want. That is why you have an allowance. I am spending a ton of money this weekend to make sure you all look nice and have nice outfits to wear to the theatre. The tickets to the theatre were very expensive. It will cost another $100 bucks for us to drive up there and park.

I can not put up with constant whining, complaining and no manners. I don’t care if you are grateful or not, but you will at least say thank you. And you will stop whining. Is that understood?”

Nobody said anything.

“Is that understood?”

“Me mom?” said Bubba.

“All of you. Is that understood?”

“Yes, Ma’am” said Bug.

“Ok” said Snowbaby and Bubba.

The older girls didn’t say anything.

I was pissed.

I had calmed down by yesterday morning. I think I got so frustrated because I don’t have a ton of extra money and I was trying to do something really nice and nobody seemed to give a damn. But by Sunday, they were all very excited to go to the show. (I don’t think my dad was excited though, because he had an all day stretch with Bubba and Snowbaby. And Snowbaby is going through a “I need to be physically attached to Momma at all time, or I scream” phase.)

The girls looked pretty in their dresses and actually, I looked pretty damn good myself. Geo was in a surprisingly good mood and we made good time to the theatre. Callie had a sobbing fit once we got there, but that was almost textbook. She was celebrating an important birthday without her family. She was sad. But once she got calmed down and the show started, everyone was very happy. The show was really good. I’ve seen it before and I liked the previous cast better, but the girls were enthralled.

In the opening scene, Callie leaned over and whispered, “Is that lady REALLY singing?” and when I told her she was, she just grinned.

Bug said, “Well, I’ve seen a lot of theatre so I know what is good.” (She’s seen four shows.) “I liked it better than Cats, but I don’t know which was better. Wicked or this. I don’t know. I’ll get back to you.”

All in all, it turned out to be a really good trip. And when I returned home, Callie handed me a note which read:

Momma Baggage (Tell Geo thanx too for me!),

I just wanted to properly thank you! Thank you so much for doing what you have for me! I am extremely grateful even if sometimes it doesn’t seem that way but I truly am! I thought it would be easier for me to write down what I wanted to say. Thank you soooooo much for the greatest 16th birthday a girl could ask for. Sorry if I complain too much, but I AM grateful.

Love always,

Callie