We will be picking up Izzy on Friday. She’ll be staying for good!

If you have a child who has significant behavioral issues, DO NOT FINALIZE THE ADOPTION until you have a chance to determine whether you could benefit from your child being staffed as a behavioral foster child.

If I had known that this was an option prior to Bug being adopted, I would have definitely done it. Why? Because having an additional $5000 a year could have a big impact on Bug’s life. We could help build up her college fund. We could pay for private tutoring. We could send her to camp, therapeautic horseback riding, all the classes she wants. We could pay for her homeschooling materials easily.

Some people feel funny asking about money for their children. They are so pleased that they finally got selected for a child that they don’t want to push it. After all, no one hands you a monthly check if you have a bio child.

But don’t do that. Don’t feel guilty. If you feel uncomfortable about it, think of the benefit to your child. I look at this money as Bug’s “reward” for having to put up with so much shit. Yes, if she was my bio child, I wouldn’t get this money for her. But as adoptive parents, especially of older children, we are asked to take on financial burdens that we might not have otherwise.

For instance, saving for higher education. A lot of parents start saving when the children are very young. I didn’t have that option.

I had to pay my way through college. I’d like Bug to have some sort of college fund available to her if she goes to college. I know that college will be a challenge for Bug on its own right, and having money set aside will help lessen her burden.

The thing is, no one will likely tell you what you can and can not get in your subsidy. They will not tell you that you do not have to finalize until you have a subsidy in place that is beneficial to your child. They might push you to finalize before you have all the information you need to know about your child.

In fact, my adoption was fast tracked. My six month waiting period was waived. Nobody told me that if I had taken a simple six week course, Bug could have been getting extra money each month. And we are getting close to having two years together. That is an extra $10,000 that Bug doesn’t have because I didn’t know.

So I’m telling you. I read your blogs. I know you have children like mine. ASK QUESTIONS. Ask what you can do to get a higher rate of pay. Find out everything you can about your subsidy.

And here’s another hint…YOUR SUBSIDY CAN BE CHANGED. If your circumstances have changed since you finalized, push for your subsidy to reflect that. For instance, I had mine changed to allow for Bug to receive day care benefits. When I adopted her, I was a student. I didn’t need daycare. But I should have done it anyway.

I pushed to have it done. I work from home now. That qualifies me for day care. Daycare for Bug means that she can go to day camp during the summer, something she desperately wants to do.

If you have already signed a subsidy that you think it not adequate, push to have it changed.

I am hoping to find some more links to pass on that will help guide you through the subsidy process. Don’t do what I did, which is say, “Um…they told me I couldn’t finalize without my subsidy, so um..could I pick that up?” And then I went to the office and signed it. I didn’t ask what else could be included. I didn’t ask if this is all she was entitled to. I just thought that it was.

Just remember, your child is entitled to that money. If you feel guilty about it, open a separate bank account and set up direct deposit, then only use that account when it directly benefits your child.

Ask questions. Know your rights. It is quite possible that your workers are doing everything they can to ensure that you have the best possible subsidy. It is also possible that they aren’t.

Don’t be afraid to ask for what you think your child needs.

Yondalla posted another excellent post about behavior modification and why it sometimes does not work with hurt children. Or why when it works, the kid gets angry or upset.

It actually has a lot to do with what I was talking about yesterday. I am very well aware that a lot of Bug’s issues stem from a lack of consistent parenting as well as from ODD/ADHD. But I am also well aware of the fact that she has certain behaviors that are directly related to the fact that she had trauma in her childhood.

And it make sense, doesn’t it? How many of us, who have also have had trauma in our childhood, have behaviors related to that? I know I do. I know that things that I do or things that upset me or triggers I have are directly related to feelings of guilt or shame or anxiety or fear.

So if I am 28 and I’ve had 15+ years to process what happened to me, how can I expect little Buggy to not be reacting to things that happened to her?

And not that I am saying to excuse the behavior. I’m not saying that it is OK for her to do the things that she does, anymore than I think my own undesirable behaviors are OK. But they are understandable.

As parents, sometimes we simply react. We simply react to the behavior at hand and yell or punish. We don’t often think about why it is happening. Or you do, later on. For instance, when I am tired, I am impossible. I’ve been known to be sitting here working late at night and for Geo to walk in the room and ask where the milk is and for me to have an all out sobbing fest. It is just what happens to me when I get really tired. Don’t kids act the same way, when something simple is bothering them? Now imagine they’ve got things that aren’t so simple that is bothering them?

So yes, like Yondalla says..these parenting techniques are great. They can work. They can help you stay calm. And besides, we should be praising our children more. Teaching them more. Punishing less.

But they aren’t a cure. They aren’t a fix. They aren’t even really what you need to know in order to take “behavioral” foster children.

Go read what Yondalla says. This is one reason I have 300 blogs in my reader, because I learn so much from other people.

As an aside, I had a good talk with Bug yesterday. She cracks me up sometimes. I had finished talking about the teacher and all that and then I said, “Oh, by the way, you can not pour full glasses of orange juice and then leave them on the counter when you go to school. Can you give me a reason why not?”

And Bug said, “Yeah! Because it is wasteful and it is half-butted.”

Hahahaa. I love that “half-butted” is my kid’s new descriptive phrase.

I also noticed that her behavior was so much better in the afternoon because she took her medicine when she got home from school. In fact, I was downstairs and I didn’t hear her moving around. (Normally it sounds like there is an elephant upstairs.) I went upstairs and she was sitting quietly in her room, weaving a potholder.

She used to take 5 mg of Adderall when she came home from school, maybe that would help.

But we had a good night:

Talking back/Arguing: 2

Tantrums: 0

Lying: 0

And I was praising like crazy since I felt bad about yesterday. We had 7 praises and 1 criticism.

Now the real question is: How am I going to get through tonight with no Grey’s?? Considering the TIVO is on my dresser, so I’m guessing Geo won’t be TIVOing half of it for me.

Technorati Tags: behavior, foster care, abuse, Grey’s Anatomy, parenting 

Dealing with some of Bug’s behavior is difficult. It is hard to know what is going on with her. For instance, I wrote her teacher about the fact that Bug’s planner comes home empty every night. And she wrote me back:

just had a chat with her….she is writing in it right now…. the
test
got put back… won’t be until next Monday…… she has been super
talkative…. seems like since she brought that thing to school that
her case worker made about her past…that’s all she wants to talk
about…. that bothers me…. she needs to be looking at the future
and not be reminded of her mom and her past….that’s my
opinion….she
too young…

Now, let’s ignore the teacher’s obvious lack of grammar and understanding of adoption issues. Bug has bringing what to school?? Her lifebook?? So I wrote her back. And I got this response:

It had when she lived at each foster home, then when she went back to
her mom, then back to foster homes.  a picture of her and her mom.  she
was saying that she can’t see her birth mom until she is eighteen.   i
told her to quit thinking about that.  she was with a mom that “Chose”
her because she truely loved her and wanted her to be her daughter and
was taking care of her in a wonderful way.

Well again, unless this is the first time you’ve read my blog, you understand that telling Bug to “quit thinking” about her birth mom is not something we endorse here.

However, Bug should not be bringing that book to school. First off, it contains private information. Information that I don’t put on the blog for instance. It also has the only picture we have of Bug’s mom and the only copy of her original birth certificate. So it is not something that we want to get lost or messed up.

You’ll also remember that Bug asked if she could bring her birth certificate to school to show her teacher. And a week ago, I found two pictures that Bug had brought to school..one of her brother, Eagle and one of her and Santa Claus from last year.

So I can look at all this, plus what I know about Bug, and assume that she is simply trying to get attention. She is horrible at knowing how to get attention from people in a positive manner. She wants constant attention from people…like her teacher or her coach and obviously they have other kids to deal with and can’t pay attention to her 100% of the time. Bug tells a lot of stories which simply aren’t true to get attention. She also knows, based on what this teacher has told me, that if she talks to her teacher about adoption then her teacher will talk to her about it (unfortunately.)

So my gut instinct is that Bug is looking for something that sets her apart. She wants attention, she gets attention by discussing these adoption things.

But of course, there is the voice in the back of my mind saying, “Is she having a hard time processing her adoption? Does she miss her mom? Does she miss her brother? Is she unhappy? Is she nervous about foster kids? Is she nervous about possibly adopting more kids? Is she angry? Is she depressed?”

I try to be very honest with Bug. We talk about her mom a lot. Bug talks to me about her mom a lot. Still, it took me aback when I read that email. And of course, it also hurts a little if I’m being honest. I know that Bug misses her mom and that is absolutely expected. But it stings a little.

It is always a guessing game to figure out what is going on with her. And on top of that, she also went to school without her medicine today (Thanks, closed pediatrician’s office) (and without her coat btw, thanks Geo)…and her teacher just wrote again and said she had to seclude her from the rest of the class because she would not be quiet.

I said recently that I was operating out of trial and error and one of you said that all of parenting is trial and error. I am finding out more and more why that is 100% true.

Technorati Tags: adoption, attention, behavior, school, lifebook

First off, thank you to all of you who gave me some great suggestions on how to feel better. And thanks to those who were excited about my p*rn venture. I would get started on it tonight, but you know..no energy.

Anyway, last night we had behavior class number two. A lot of it was reiterating what we learned before. We also went around the room and talked about the behavior that we wanted to work on with one of our kids. Tantrums. Sexually acting out. Bed wetting. Not coming when called for dinner.

We also talked more about pure descriptive praise. Pure as in we don’t qualify it with a “but” statement. Descriptive as in we are talking about a specific behavior. You don’t want to make a comment about the worth of the child (or adult). So I shouldn’t say to Bug, “Wow! You are such a good girl! You cleaned your room!” Bug’s worth as a good or bad person shouldn’t be determined by the cleanliness of her room. Instead, I should say, “Wow! I am proud of you for doing such a good job on your room. It looks great!” And remember, it is all about praise. I can’t follow that up with a “But your bed doesn’t look really good.” What you could say is “It looks great! Here, let me help you fix your bed.”

You want to praise positive behavior whenever you see it. Praise her for the behavior. Not, “You are a great basketball player” but “You practiced really hard at basketball today.”

The goal is to get the child to have internal motivation. For her to actually WANT to do the right thing. That is why punishment is not very effective. It just makes her want to not get caught. But by focusing on what she does right, hopefully she’ll decide she wants to do it for herself.

It is hard though. If you take an honest inventory on how often you praise your child and how often you praise your significant other, you’ll often find that you don’t do a good job. Like I said before, I am very guilty at doing the the “You did great but…”

The other thing we talked about is establishing a baseline. If you have a child who consistently exhibits bad behavior you might catch yourself saying, “Bug always tantrums. Bug always talks back. Bug always gets up out of bed. Bug always lies.”

And it may very well feel that way. But chances are that Bug doesn’t ALWAYS do it. But when you are dealing with bad behavior on a constant basis, you can get frustrated. And when you try to modify a child’s behavior, and you don’t see results you may be tempted to give up and just decide that the kid is a brat who is ruining your life on purpose.

What you need to do in this situation is set up a baseline. Write down three or four behaviors that you want to work on. Now, let’s count. How many times did Bug tantrum on Monday? How many on Tuesday? You should do this for a week or two. Once you have established a baseline, you can set a goal. But your goals should be small. If Bug tantrums an average of 11 times a day, your goal should not be for her to stop tantruming all together. That is too much. Of course, that is your ultimate goal, but in order to get there she is going to need to tantrum 10 times or 5 times or 3 times a day. So start off small. If your kid wets the bed every night, try to get it so they only wet 5 nights a week. Not only will you be able to see some progress, but your child will get a sense of accomplishment.

The final thing we talked about what being clear in your requests. If you have a kid who complains or tantrums at every request, you need to be very clear. You need to say, “Bug, please go set the table now.” Two things that work for me that go along with this. #1 is that Bug has a timer that she can clip onto her pants. We set the timer for everything. “Hey Bug, I bet you can’t clean your whole room in five minutes!” She studies for 30 minutes. She has 10 minutes of kitchen time. Saying, “Bug, go do your ten minutes in the kitchen” works much better than “Bug, go clean the kitchen.” Also, assume your kid does not understand what you want done. Especially if you have not raised them from birth. Bug has a list on the fridge (Entitled ‘How to clean the kitchen so mom does not cook peas everyday.’) It lists what she needs to do in the order that she needs to do it. It is very explicit. “Throw trash in trash can. If trash can if full, take out trash bag. Tie it up. Go to drawer and get out trash bag. Put new trashbag in trashcan. Then throw away trash.” Having this visual reminder is very helpful, especially for a kid who has ADHD. I’ve mentioned this before but I made the mistake in assuming Bug knew how to do things. If you get a kid from foster care, don’t assume that. Take the time to explain. Even if they are your bio kid, make sure that your kid knows what you want them to do. Try to only give one direction at a time. “Bug, go pick up all the dirty clothes on your floor. Ok, now go make your bed. Ok, now go put your books away.” It is a lot less overwhelming than “Bug, go clean your whole room.”

I have homework this week, and I’m hoping some of you will play along. The goal is to keep two charts.

The first is a praise/criticism chart. Pick a kid or your significant other. Now count each time you give them pure descriptive praise and how many times you give a criticism. Come up with a total for each day and a total for the week. I did this for today. Bug had a bad day today and I found that I criticized her four times today and only praised her three times. Boo! Obviously I need to work on praising her more, even when she is acting crazy.

The second is your baseline chart. Pick three or four behaviors that you want to work on with your kids, spouse, or even yourself. Now count each time that behavior occurs. Here is Bug’s for today:

Talking back/Arguing: 11 times

Tantrums: 2 times

Lying: 0 times

The only other thing I wanted to tell you about the class was that Bug actually attended the first hour because Geo was going to pick her up and got lost. She was so cute. We were watching these videos and had questions to answer and she raised her hand to answer the questions. Here she was, in a room full of adults..no kids and she felt confident enough to raise her hand and give an answer. She also listened very closely when we went around talking about problem behaviors and made little comments to me (Oh, that’s bad! Oh..I used to do that! Haha! I do that now! I bet you are glad I don’t do that!) When it was my turn to say Bug’s problem behaviors she started giggling and the teacher said, “You do those things?” and Bug said, “Yeah, but I’m working on it.” Haha. She said it was the best class she has ever gone to and she wants to go every week.

Oh, and one more Bug story before I go.

Bug saw her birth certificate today.

“WOW! COOL! Can I bring it to school and show my teacher?” she asked.

“No, Bug, we can’t lose it.”

“It looks different from my other one in my life book.”

“That is because the one in the lifebook is just a copy.”

“Wait. This is messed up. It says you adopted me when you were 17.”

“Well, actually Bug, this birth certificate is kind of silly. They make these as if I gave birth to you. Which we all know isn’t true because your birth mom gave birth to you. But it is just how they do it.”

“So then why does it say you are 17?”

“It means that if I had given birth to you, I would have been 17 when that happened.”

“Well that is just stupid. YOU CAN’T GIVE BIRTH WHEN YOU ARE ONLY SEVENTEEN!!!”

Technorati Tags: behavior modification, praise, parenting, chores, birth certificates, adoption

Two quickies..

First, I am trying to add that widget thing for mybloglog, even though I’m not 100% sure I understand the concept. But all the cool kids are doing it, so why not? Except that mybloglog has somehow flagged my site as an “adult” site. Which strikes me as quite funny, and also I’m sad that they found out what goes on in my password protected posts. Ha! Just kidding! (Hey, if you asked for a password and I didn’t give you one, leave me a comment so I can send it to you! Don’t miss out on all the p*rn.)

Also, I got Bug’s new birth certificate in the mail. It is the dumbest thing I’ve ever seen. It says “Bug Her Middle Name Kenny’s Last Name” and then it says Mother: Baggage My Middle Name My Maiden Name. Age: 17.

HA! Because they want you to believe that instead of sitting through AP English, I got on a plane, flew to the city of Bug’s birth, gave birth to her and managed to make it back in time for my Latin club meeting. (Shut up. It was cool.)

I mean, yes, if I gave birth to Bug, I would have been 17. But I DID NOT GIVE BIRTH TO BUG. And I think it is ridiculous to have this piece of paper which says that I did.

But at least now I can get my tax refund. Which will help me build up my adult site empire. (YES!)

Technorati Tags: mybloglog, adoption, amended birth certificates, blogs

One of my great readers, Amanda, sent me some questions about foster care adoptions, and I thought I would answer them here. If you’ve been with me since before Bug came home, then you probably know the answers but since I know that I’ve gained/lost readers since then, I hope this is helpful.

Q: What was it like dealing with DSS on a daily personal basis? Meaning, the workers, the process, the paperwork?

A: The truth is, it isn’t really as intense as you might imagine. When it came to Bug, her worker was the one I had the most contact with in the beginning as we set up visits and made arrangements for her to move in. The workers on my end didn’t even come over until Bug had been home for about a month and a half. As far as foster care placements, I’ve never felt intruded upon by the workers..I feel that when they were trying to help, they were helpful. The process is kind of a pain in the butt, but any homestudy process is. There is a lot of paperwork in the beginning but it didn’t take me more than a day to fill it all out. As far as ongoing paperwork, the only paperwork I really do is turning in receipts or mileage or babysitting records.

Q: How intrusive did they get into “private” issues?

A: I was honest during my homestudy about my abuse. First, because I don’t see it as a negative and second, because there are court cases related to it. I didn’t want someone down the line to be able to find out I lied about something. The homestudy worker handled it very well. Her write up in my homestudy was very positive. The important things to remember when you are talking about private issues, and especially private issues that could possibly be a negative, is that they are not expecting you to be perfect. They want to know how you’ve handled it. How you’ve dealt with it. What effects it is having on you now. As far as what else they asked, they asked about my relationship with my parents, how often I saw them, how I would characterize my childhood. They asked about growing up, my siblings, my porce. And what my hobbies were. (I couldn’t really think of my hobbies. I felt lame.) And then they asked a bunch about my parenting (which of course, I hadn’t parented at this point) and what type of child I’d want. I never felt like they were being unnecessarily intrusive.

Q: How long did the process take before you were ready to be matched with a child?

A: It took about four months. The paperwork said it was shorter than getting a barber’s license. I’m not sure why they thought I cared. The majority of the time was spent finishing class. We had one class a week for 10 weeks.

Q:What was the homestudy like?

My homestudy was made up of six visits. They took place over the course of those four months. During the first visit, she gave me all the paperwork, walked through my house, pointed out things that I would need to have changed (for instance, here you have to have one kitchen chair for every person in the house. So if you are licensed for 3 kids and married, you need to have five kitchen chairs.) The second, third, and fourth visits were her asking questions. As I said, about my childhood, about my adulthood, about my feelings towards adoption/foster care, how I felt about birth families, how my family felt about adopted children, and then what type of kids I wanted. At the last meeting I had a chance to review my homestudy (although in California when I went through the process, I did not get a chance to review it) and had to sign off on it. We also did a final walk through of the house. The sixth visit was with Cammie and during that visit I had to sign my contracts. I signed three different contracts: one for foster care, one for emergency care and one for respite care. The homestudy is a lot less scary than it sounds.

Q: What was the process of matching to Bug like and how long did it take before she was home with you? Did the social workers show you a big book of kids, did you go through the photolistings, or were you her foster mother first?

A: I was actively pursuing the photolistings and not getting anywhere really. In most cases, kids are only photolisted after they have tried to find an adoptive home and not been able to. Also, I found that I didn’t get a lot of feedback when I tried to talk to workers outside of the state. (Also, I kept getting annoyed at Cammie and her apparent lack of interest in sending my homestudy out.)

However, social workers send out private profiles to the other social workers. So Cammie was sending them to me and asking if I was interested. I was adamant about having a child 9 or less, so for quite a few of them I told her no. I got Bug’s profile Memorial Day weekend. It basically said she liked group activities and was an average student and had blond hair. That was about it. On June 7th, her worker emailed Cammie asking if I had a chance to review Bug’s long profile. A long profile actually tells you about the kid. Information about their medical history, why they are in care, what issues they have, what their parents are like. She also faxed over a bunch of psychological records of Bug’s that were written recently. She wanted me to review them before I agreed to have my homestudy considered for Bug. I reviewed them, freaked out a little bit, then freaked out a lot, and then said yes.

She then had me send in a lifebook, which in this case was not what you make for adopted children, but rather it was a photo album about me. I freaked out about this thing as well, but it turned out nice. I also almost got in a fight at Walmart with the cashier who CARDED ME for buying SCRAPBOOKING GLUE to make a LIFEBOOK for my POSSIBLE FUTURE DAUGHTER because she thought I wasn’t 18.

So I sent that in and the worker wrote me saying she had gotten it, and it was nice and that the staffing was on a Thursday which was about two weeks away. So I freaked out about that and then Thursday came and went and I was never called. I was pretty sure I hadn’t gotten picked. Even Geo said that they would have probably called me by then. Friday morning came and I was upset and so I took a nap (Thanks Tylenol PM) and when I woke up I had an email from Cammie saying I had been picked. Much freaking out ensued.

That was on Friday and I met Bug on Sunday morning. She was wearing a very ugly pair of shorts. And she talked like a gangster. And told me that adoption meant you never got to see your family again. Then I saw her again on Monday. Then I had to leave her at the foster home. The next weekend was Fourth of July and I got her for the long weekend. We went to Chicago to a Cubs game. We hung out with the fabulous Krissy Poppyhands who showered Bug in gifts. Then I had to bring Bug back to the foster home for the rest of the week. Also, the foster home was about 5 1/2 hours away. And I had to drive back and forth with Bug, and then leave her and come back. But they paid me for the mileage which resulted in a nice check eventually. So Bug went back for a week and then she came back here for a week and then back until Friday and then I picked her up for good. So it was a day visit, a weekend visit, a week visit and then for good. They are required to do this kind of transition, but it was really hard on me and Bug hated it. She freaked out everytime she went back to the foster home. I don’t think she thought she was going to get to come back. The happiest I had ever seen her was on the day she didn’t have to go back anymore.

Q:Did you find that Bug brought a lot of issues with her? Tantrums, attachment problems, stealing/hording food, outrageous lying, etc? Or was it more that she was just a hurt little girl who needed someone to love her unconditionally?

A: Both.

Q:Did it take time before you loved her and felt like her mother?

A: I felt a sense of responsibility to her which I guess was feeling like a mother almost immediately. It took awhile before I loved her. Even longer before I liked her. She was a stranger, and a rude, defiant stranger at that. I was thrilled to have her though, and completely committed. I made a commitment to love her long before I actually loved her.

Q:What was it like going from a young single adult to the parent of an adolescent?

A: It was great and scary and annoying and frustrating and wonderful and terrifying and rewarding and difficult and happy and I spent some time wishing I could just have some time to myself again. She came home during summer so we were with each other 24 hours for almost two months before I had a break and that was hard.

But I’d do it again in a heartbeat.

Thanks Amanda for the great questions. If anyone else has questions about foster care/adoption process, feel free to ask and I’ll try to do my best to answer them or point you in the right direction.

Also, I’m sorry that the formatting is so messed up on this post. I don’t know that is. Wordpress hates my guts.

Technorati Tags: foster care, adoption, attachment, homestudy, single mom

For those not reading behind the cut, I got a call for a foster placement today but the kids ended up not being taken into care. There is still a possibility that something might happen but not for another couple of weeks.

Today had me running around a little trying to get my van cleaned out and the seats put back in it. I had taken them all out when I moved but now they are all back in. I also was on my way to Walmart to pick up things that I needed.

Getting new kids is kind of a financial burden when they are young like that because obviously I am not prepared for little ones, with only my big girl in the house.

I also was looking on my local messageboard and I found some bargains.

I am going to get a pack and play and a booster seat. (I think the new law here is up to 80 lbs!) I got outlet covers and a doorknob cover for the downstairs door…I ran out of outlet covers earlier.

I also am looking for a toddler bed, although I have an extra full size bed here if I needed it. Oh, and I need a carseat.

Ok, so I am opening it up to you guys. If you could get called tomorrow for any kids ages birth to 12, what do you think you would need?

Obviously I have some stuff already but I wanted to make a list so I can stick it in my purse for yard sales/thrift stores (I can’t wait for there to be yard sales again..it is Bug and I’s favorite thing to do.) 

Edited to add: Geo just pointed out that the title is kind of misleading. This is actually not my first call at all…just my first call after being relicensed. If you are new here, I’ve had seven short term foster kids so far, and of course I took care of Baby for the night. The short timers were 5, 3, and 8 months (only stayed a few days) 5, 2 and newborn (5 and 2 were only here a day or two and newborn stayed a week) and 9 year old Hermione who was here for about a week or two before she had to be admitted to the hospital.

Technorati Tags: foster care, parenting, baby stuff

***

Buying baby gifts online is now easier than ever, between the user-friendly stores and plenty of baby gift suggestions on quality sites; one suggestion that could be made is that soft baby shoes can be a good gift for a child nearing but not quite at the age of walking.

I know some of you are already quite mad at CNN for the remarks made about adopting from China on the Paula Zahn show.

I just went to check CNN.com and they have a link to a video with this title:

“Must be fit, have nice face to get Chinese baby”

Seriously CNN.

First off, they don’t say you need to be “fit.” Fit implies that you are in good physical shape, that you work out. They say that you can’t be over a certain BMI.

Second, they don’t say you need to have a “nice face.” They say you can not have facial deformities. You can have facial deformities and have a nice face. Come on.

Yes, China has made new rules. Yes, it sucks for a lot of people who won’t be able to adopt from China. (Myself included)

But let’s not sensationalize it, CNN. Anymore than you already have.

Technorati Tags: adoption, CNN, China adoption, Paula Zahn

Ahhh.. Feeling much better now.

Bug, Geo and I went to the mall on Saturday. Going to the mall is a half day thing, because it takes 1 1/2 to get there. Plus, we had these gift cards for a restaurant which is not available here in our crappy small town. Bug ate the steak and crab legs. And then tried to take a crab claw home. And then got very mad that she wasn’t allowed. She was also quite mad that the mall didn’t have stores that she wanted and threw a fit.

I didn’t throw a fit, because I got some very cute panties and a bunch of clothes that were 70% off. I love me a good bargain.

Geo didn’t throw a fit either, because he found two pairs of 32 X 36 pants, which you can never find in the store. And he was so happy about finding them, and on sale! that he bought me a sweatshirt that has this heavy lining inside and it so warm (because I am always freezing) and a snuggly long sleeve shirt.

But Bug threw a fit because that is what Bug does now. She throws fits and argues. About everything. It doesn’t matter what it is. Part of her problem is that she asks for things at ridiculous times. Like, I’ll be reprimanding her for not doing her chore correctly and she’ll interrupt me to ask if she can have an ice cream bar. Or we’ll be driving in the middle of a cotton field somewhere and the radio station she wants to listen to will not be coming in correctly and she’ll start sobbing that we are so mean to not let her listen to what she wants.

When she is not throwing fits, she’ll be just generally making a pest of herself. If Geo eats over here, he and Bug do 10 minutes in the kitchen. Today I went in the laundry room and when I came out Bug was missing. Apparently Geo had tossed her a sponge. She thought he had thrown it at her, so she scooped up a big handful of soapy water and threw it at him.

He was slightly unamused.

It is in times like this weekend that sometimes I question my decision to add kids to the household. I mean don’t get me wrong. I love my Buggy to death. But when I’m trying to take a shower and there is a heated discussion going on through the door about whether she can google parts of the body for her science extra credit because she didn’t bring her science book home because “she didn’t feel like it or maybe she forgot” then I think that more kids would be nuts.

But nevertheless, more kids it will be.

When? I don’t know.

I went through my first week since I’ve been licensed with no calls. However, I do have my homestudy out on three sibling groups.

Sibling group 1..the latest I’ve heard is that they are going to staffing sometime in January. I don’t know when. The other two groups are collecting homestudies almost to the end of January. I guess I could get called on sibling group 1 at any point, but I don’t know what my chance are or anything.

I also don’t know what would happen if I got picked for two groups. I think that one will get picked before another. I don’t think they allow you to take two groups at once, although I don’t know for sure. That might be a little…um..intense.

Until then, I just tell Geo I want seven kids.

And he says, “Seven?”

And I say, “You like kids, Geo.”

and he says, “Yes, but seven?”

And then I sing, “Climb every mountain” in a beautiful voice.

And Bug says, “I am NOT climbing a mountain. I don’t want to climb a mountain. Why don you always make me do things I don’t want to do??!!” and then bursts into fake tears.

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