Me: Right, and what do cowboys do?

Bug: Uh..kill people?

I was just being sarcastic when I said that telling Bug that school was important made her do her work.

Bug’s heard the “School is important and here is why” speech more times than I can count but it has no effect.

Sorry my sarcasm didn’t come through better.

On a side note, we did change how her classes are structured. Instead of having all of her subjects each day, I changed the lineup so she has only one or two subjects a day. For instance, on Friday, she had six English lessons instead of six different subjects. She liked this a lot better and I felt like she understood the objectives better than switching from subject to subject. We’ll see how it goes longer term.

Hi, this is Bug,

My school is colleting money for St Jude Childrens Research hospital. St Jude is a a hospital that kids go to if they have cancer or anything else. The doctors study these sickness and try to find a way to prevent it. St. Jude has made a Big improvement 3 years ago 4% kids made it but that did not stop the doctors they soon studie really hard now 90% make it. So I was wondering if you can donate some money and help me raise money. How I am raising money is By a mathathon. I do math problems and if I get 1 right you can give me money or just make a donation. If I raise the most money in 5th grade I get to go to St. Jude hospitle to help bring the money and get 1 day off of school to visit St. Jude. When I get the day off school I get to help them research and visit some of the kids. So I wondering if you could please make some donations.

BY BUG

(Baggage here: Bug will be given approximately 250 math problems. You can sponsor her by pledging to give a monetary amount per math problem. For instance, you could donate 5 cents per math problem she completes. You could also give a flat donation if you prefer. The money is tax deductible. If you are interested in sponsoring Bug, please leave a comment with your name and pledge amount (or you can email it to me at mamabaquita@gmail.com if you prefer..although you do not have to give your real name..just make it school aged appropriate if you give a fake name). I will let you know how many problems Bug does in a future post. The easiest way to make a donation is to send me the money via Paypal or Moneybookers and I will write one check for the full amount of donations. If you don’t have Paypal, we can work something out so you could send me a check or money order, but Paypal would be easiest,

So to summarize….

You can help out Bug and St. Jude Children’s Research Hospital by either:

1. Sponsoring her by giving a donation per math problem (out of 250) that she completes

or

2. Giving a flat donation by sending the money amount to my paypal address which I will provide you. (Or via check or money order if we have to)

Either way, send me an email or post a comment here if you are interested. Thank you very much!

About St. Jude:

Since its inception, St. Jude has developed protocols that have brought survival rates for childhood cancers from less than 20 percent to more than 70 percent overall.

Since opening in 1962, St. Jude has treated children from all 50 states and more than 70 foreign countries.

St. Jude researchers and doctors are treating children with genetic immune defects and pediatric AIDS, as well as using new drugs and therapies to fight infection.

St. Jude has approximately 4,700 patients in active status. St. Jude, which is non-sectarian, treats children without regard to race, religion, creed or ability to pay. St. Jude is the only pediatric cancer research center where families never pay for treatments that are not covered by insurance, and families without insurance are never asked to pay.

To learn more about St. Jude please visit www.stjude.org.

Technorati Tags: St. Jude, mathahon, fundraiser

Dealing with some of Bug’s behavior is difficult. It is hard to know what is going on with her. For instance, I wrote her teacher about the fact that Bug’s planner comes home empty every night. And she wrote me back:

just had a chat with her….she is writing in it right now…. the
test
got put back… won’t be until next Monday…… she has been super
talkative…. seems like since she brought that thing to school that
her case worker made about her past…that’s all she wants to talk
about…. that bothers me…. she needs to be looking at the future
and not be reminded of her mom and her past….that’s my
opinion….she
too young…

Now, let’s ignore the teacher’s obvious lack of grammar and understanding of adoption issues. Bug has bringing what to school?? Her lifebook?? So I wrote her back. And I got this response:

It had when she lived at each foster home, then when she went back to
her mom, then back to foster homes.  a picture of her and her mom.  she
was saying that she can’t see her birth mom until she is eighteen.   i
told her to quit thinking about that.  she was with a mom that “Chose”
her because she truely loved her and wanted her to be her daughter and
was taking care of her in a wonderful way.

Well again, unless this is the first time you’ve read my blog, you understand that telling Bug to “quit thinking” about her birth mom is not something we endorse here.

However, Bug should not be bringing that book to school. First off, it contains private information. Information that I don’t put on the blog for instance. It also has the only picture we have of Bug’s mom and the only copy of her original birth certificate. So it is not something that we want to get lost or messed up.

You’ll also remember that Bug asked if she could bring her birth certificate to school to show her teacher. And a week ago, I found two pictures that Bug had brought to school..one of her brother, Eagle and one of her and Santa Claus from last year.

So I can look at all this, plus what I know about Bug, and assume that she is simply trying to get attention. She is horrible at knowing how to get attention from people in a positive manner. She wants constant attention from people…like her teacher or her coach and obviously they have other kids to deal with and can’t pay attention to her 100% of the time. Bug tells a lot of stories which simply aren’t true to get attention. She also knows, based on what this teacher has told me, that if she talks to her teacher about adoption then her teacher will talk to her about it (unfortunately.)

So my gut instinct is that Bug is looking for something that sets her apart. She wants attention, she gets attention by discussing these adoption things.

But of course, there is the voice in the back of my mind saying, “Is she having a hard time processing her adoption? Does she miss her mom? Does she miss her brother? Is she unhappy? Is she nervous about foster kids? Is she nervous about possibly adopting more kids? Is she angry? Is she depressed?”

I try to be very honest with Bug. We talk about her mom a lot. Bug talks to me about her mom a lot. Still, it took me aback when I read that email. And of course, it also hurts a little if I’m being honest. I know that Bug misses her mom and that is absolutely expected. But it stings a little.

It is always a guessing game to figure out what is going on with her. And on top of that, she also went to school without her medicine today (Thanks, closed pediatrician’s office) (and without her coat btw, thanks Geo)…and her teacher just wrote again and said she had to seclude her from the rest of the class because she would not be quiet.

I said recently that I was operating out of trial and error and one of you said that all of parenting is trial and error. I am finding out more and more why that is 100% true.

Technorati Tags: adoption, attention, behavior, school, lifebook

Today Bug had her first basketball game. I was a little frustrated because she spent most of the game yapping to Suzy, who is this girl that I already have expressed my displeasure to Bug about. Suzy has been causing commotion in Bug’s class because she is fighting with another girl over a boy (hello..you are ten), Bug got a discipline slip because the girl went to write “Bug is Stupid” on top of Bug’s watercolor painting and Bug yelled at her, and the girl was going to miss the game today because she had Saturday school. For not doing her work and having all F’s.

However, these are the people Bug gravitates towards. These are the kids that Bug is most comfortable interacting with.

But I already had given Bug a warning about talking to Suzy and yet she spent most of the game turned away from the game and yapping. (My Dad and I spent the game screaming…who knew basketball didn’t suck?)

And then they lost. They had come from behind and gone into overtime. Then the coach put in Bug and Suzy and a few other second string players and they quickly blew it.

The coach talked to all the other girls, but Bug and Suzy were kept back. Afterwards the coach came to me and said she is having a problem with Bug mouthing off, not participating in practice, and not paying attention. I told the Coach in front of Bug that I have no problem with her benching Bug for that behavior. The Coach was really cool and she hugged Bug and said, “I got a scholarship for playing basketball..you could too if you just work at it. You’ve got to work hard.”

So then I took Bug out to the car to give her one of my famous Baggage talks. A year ago, Bug just rolled her eyes at everything I said during these talks and made this face like “You are a big damn idiot.”

Bug started off by saying the coach wasn’t fair because she wouldn’t let Bug play as much as some of the other girls.

And I said, “Bug..if you coached the Cubs would you let Derrek Lee play first base or let some guy out of the stands? The best girls get to play the most. But the thing that is very sad is that you could be one of the best girls. You played very well today. But you aren’t giving it your all. You aren’t working at practice. You aren’t trying to get better at home. And so you don’t have the skills that the other girls have.”

And she screamed, “It wasn’t my fault that we lost.”

“No. It wasn’t entirely your fault at all. Basketball is a team sport. But you have to think about things when you lose. You have to say to yourself ‘Did I give 100% during practice, both mentally and physically? Did I bust my butt at the game? Did I support my teammates by watching and cheering? And if you can honestly say that Bug, then that is OK. Sometimes other teams are just better than your team. It happens. But if you can’t say that, then you need to take responsibility for your actions. Can you honestly say that you gave your team 100% of your effort?”

And she just cried and cried and cried.

Now it sounds awful that I was happy my kid cried, but in reality it means so much. It means that she is seeing the mistakes in judgement. It means that she wants to do good. It means that she is respecting what I am saying.

It is hard when people tell me bad things about Bug’s behavior. On top of everything else, it is embarassing. I am sure they are thinking that I’m just a young mom who didn’t know what she was doing and screwed Bug up.

But I see progress. I’ve got hope that things are going to turn around for Buggy. They already have.

Dear Coach,

I am so very sorry for disrescepting you and not doing what you say. from now on I will Bust my Butt and work hard. I promise. will you forgive me? -Bug

Technorati Tags: behavior, consequences, bad influences, friends, basketball

Must not sit on the computer, as I still have four or five hours before Bug comes home and need to start packing and moving. WOO!

Just a few short things:

*Buggy! Don’t get busted for cheating twice in one week. She is now trying to earn 100 points by not pouting, not having her school call me in the middle of my math final, not arguing, not stomping the feet, and being exceptionally helpful. Or else I am not emailing Santa to tell him where our new house is. Did I mention Bug was exceptionally helpful after hearing this news?

*Bug performed in her Church’s musical on Sunday and it was really cute. She had one line in a song as a solo and she did AWESOME. She has a very nice singing voice when she isn’t trying to sound like Carrie Underwood.

*Speaking of musicals, if you are a Wicked fan, you’ve got to go watch some clips from Wicked in London. It CRACKS me up. I think you have to be a Wicked fan who can belt out every word of “Defying Gravity” while loading the dishwasher (”Something has changed within me..something is not the same….) but hearing Galinda speak like she is Mary Poppins and hearing a British accent in the Emerald City makes me giggle. Go watch it, especially you Angela. Here’s Defying Gravity, One Short Day, and my personal favorite, What Is This Feeling? The word Loathing sounds so much better with a British accent. I think next time I chase Bug around the house singing show tunes, I will be singing this song with a British accent. Try it. It’s fun. She’s a Tahtah! She’s a Mahtah! LOVE IT.  (I think that a British actress is playing Elphaba next, does anyone know?)

*Finished with exams, managed not to cry during my math exam. Waiting to see if I will indeed graduate.

Technorati Tags: Wicked, London, college exams, graduation

Bug got her interim report about a week ago and she had all B’s and one C+ in social studies. This was the best interim (or report card) she has ever gotten. I was quite impressed.

Even more impressive was the fact that she is reading ALL THE TIME. I’m not sure what switched on in her head, but she isn’t even allowed to read Babysitter’s Club books for her school reading level anymore. She is above them. She was working her way through my “Series of Unfortunate Events” books and was reading “The Secret Garden.” She said, “I liked the movie so I figured I would give the book a try.”

She always has a book in her hand. She reads in the bathroom, in the car, and on the bus. For me, it is one of the greatest things that I have witnessed in the past year. Not only does she read, but it has improved her spelling and her writing. I’m no longer as worried as I was before.

I went shopping yesterday. I had planned on leaving around 5 am, but when I woke up I felt so sick that I said, “screw that.” But I had already gotten a babysitter, so I decided to travel to the “small city” so I could go to real stores like Target and ToysRUs and the mall. Of course, it takes about an hour and a half to get there and it is the most boring drive ever. It’s a straight shot through cotton fields. (Although I think seeing cotton on the side of the road is cool.)

There are many strange things on the ride though. There are a lot of God billboards, including one that talks about Jesus’ cheekbones and apparently was put up there by a man who says he saw Jesus and that he had bangs. There are several adoption ones, including one that shows a cute baby and says, “2 Million Couples Are Waiting to Adopt.”

Which..OK? I am guessing this is aimed at pregnant woman, which is just crummy. Hey! There are two million couples who want your baby! Not to mention, what about us single folks? We want your baby too, damn it! Include us on the billboard!

There is also an abortion graveyard thing, that has a gigantic painting of Jesus and a field of white crosses which I guess represent aborted fetuses.

I don’t think I need to tell you that I was bursting with the Christmas spirit by the time I got to the mall.

Target was a madhouse with people literally cart to cart. It was kind of fun though. I did manage to find a Bratz doll for $9 bucks. And it was one that was fully dressed, which is my requirement, which elimates 99% of Bratz dolls. (Yes, I know, friends don’t let friends buy Bratz, but this one is actually cute, not slutty). I got Bug this kick ass Mustang remote contol car for half price. And I made it to Best Buy and ToysRus too.

Oh! And I heard a woman ask a very skinny woman with a tiny little flabby stomach if she expecting. It was god awful. Especially since the woman, who was not expecting, was getting ready to fit the other woman for a bra. And who the hell stole all the XS panties from Victoria’s Secret?? Not that I was shopping for myself. I was Christmas shopping!

(I also got a pair of Old Navy Jeans for 10 bucks. For me. Shhh!)

And to top off the day I got to talk with my mom about sperm again, particuarly about if me and Geo have “the sex” and I use donor sperm, how will I know who the baby’s daddy is??

Answer: Maury Povich. Duh Mom.