Child’s Best Interest
Today was a permanancy hearing for Snowbaby and Bubba.
It was expected that due to them being in care for 18 months so far, a motion to file a Petition to Terminate Parental Rights would be filed.
Instead, their mother, who has done absolutely nothing for the past 18 months, showed up with some pictures of the most abysmal dwelling. It was bare concrete walls, bare floors, with a bed thrown in. She showed a letter which said that she was being paid cash by the same people who she was living with to do household chores.
And now suddenly, this counted as a home and income for Snowbaby and Bubba.
And instead of filing the TPR, they granted her unsupervised visitation starting next week.
I am beyond devastated.
August 12th, 2008 at 2:07 pm
Oh my God.
August 12th, 2008 at 2:08 pm
OMG.
I’m sorry! How scary for the kids and heartbreaking for you.
You’re in my thoughts.
August 12th, 2008 at 2:21 pm
I’m so disgusted. I think I may throw up. I can’t believe HIGHLY TRAINED human beings bought that bullshit! What are they possibly thinking? Do they have any freaking clue how scary this is going to be for the kids? I’m not much help, as I can’t even keep my jaw up…..I’m so sorry for this.
August 12th, 2008 at 2:21 pm
I had to read that four times before I actually processed it.
Oh my God. Nothing for 18 months and now she lives in a concrete box with some random people and they give her money to clean and she’s all of a sudden suitable for commpletely unsupervised visits??
I am so sorry Baggage. I know, reunification is supposed to be the goal, but… I’m heartbroken both for you and the kids.
August 12th, 2008 at 2:29 pm
Luckily at this point, the unsupervised visits will take place at the DFS office. So that is the only thing that is giving me any peace in all of this. They also are not transporting her to visits anymore, so…
Just please pray/send good wishes to us. I was up to two in the morning with Snowbaby dealing with the fallout of a visit. I’m so afraid something is going to happen to these kids, especially since the mom said that she does not believe that Snowbaby actually has food allergies.
August 12th, 2008 at 3:03 pm
Oh my…My heart is aching for you and your family. How can cash payments be considered income, it’s not legal income. I’m sure your asking the same thing.
Can they revoke the unsupervised visits at any time or will that take another hearing in six months?
Can she feed them at the visits, I hope not since she doesn’t believe in the allergies.
Sorry for all the questions, feel free to not answer.
Without transportation she will probably miss most visits. It seems that a ‘mother’ who does nothing for 18 months is only making a last grasp for something she is not really willing to work for. No transportation means work for her.
My thoughts are with you.
August 12th, 2008 at 3:04 pm
There will be another hearing in 60 days. Depending on what happens, I guess they could extend the visits to visits at her “home” or overnight visits. And yes, she can feed them at the visits.
August 12th, 2008 at 3:13 pm
no effing way. I am SICK about this, just SICK.
August 12th, 2008 at 3:15 pm
I am so sorry to hear this. It’s sickening. Your poor babies.
August 12th, 2008 at 3:24 pm
OMG. What their GAL thinks about this. Can you get a lawyer?
August 12th, 2008 at 3:28 pm
I’m just stunned.
I have some comments, but I’m pretty sure they’d be judged, so I think I’m going to e-mail you instead.
August 12th, 2008 at 3:35 pm
I am horrified.
Parents should be given many, many opportunities to be runified with their children. Like, say, 18 month’s worth. They should be given time (18 months) to get a job (18 MONTHS), but that job should be LEGAL. One in which you pay taxes and get some sort of legal paycheck.
Parents should never have to be perfect to reunify. They should have to be a damned sight better than that.
I read this and was shattered. I cannot imagine what you must be feeling. I cannot imagine it. I’m so, so sorry.
August 12th, 2008 at 3:39 pm
It took me approximately 1 minute to get my jaw to close. This is sick. Unbelievable. I hear so much of this crap lately it just makes me sick. My heart goes out to you.
August 12th, 2008 at 3:41 pm
You need to get a lawyer. This is wrong on so many levels- these poor kids!!!!!!
August 12th, 2008 at 3:47 pm
My jaw is still open. DOESN’T BELIEVE SNOWBABY HAS FOOD ALLERGIES?
Oh Baggage, I’m so sorry. Is there anything you can do?
This is so wrong. SO EFFING WRONG
August 12th, 2008 at 3:51 pm
Yeah, what Krissy Poopyhands said…fuck, shit, damn.
August 12th, 2008 at 3:56 pm
Can you document (with video) Snowbaby’s emotional and physical reactions after the visits?
August 12th, 2008 at 3:59 pm
Sigh. I am so terrified for that little girl. I’ll keep you all in my thoughts…
August 12th, 2008 at 4:01 pm
maybe a tipjar to pay the lawyer is a possibilitie because damn i wnat tho help protect those kids..?
August 12th, 2008 at 4:05 pm
This is my first comment ever to you:
This scares the crap out of me as we head towards the 1 year mark with our foster kids. I only hope they are setting her up to fail?
August 12th, 2008 at 4:09 pm
Does the CW see the fallouts of the visits? Will someone be around in case she gives Snowbaby something that really hurts her, even though its an unsupervised visit? Does the court know she thinks Snowbaby doesn’t have allergies (That would seem to be a blatant disregard for her welfare)? (I’m just curious, because I don’t know)
I don’t think you as Foster Mom can do anything different than what you have been doing. I think you do a pretty fantastic job already.
Every spare ounce of good wishes are going to you and the kiddos.
August 12th, 2008 at 4:13 pm
I am so sorry.
August 12th, 2008 at 4:26 pm
this cannot be. . .
August 12th, 2008 at 4:32 pm
Unf****ing believable. This is totally ridiculous. Does the judge have rocks for brains?
There is no way a cement room with a matress on the floor is safe.
What about the food allergies? Is it doecumented that mom doesn’t believe it? Is it documented when/if mom gives her foods that can harm her?
I’m also wondering about video camera footage of the visit fallouts… would they help?
I am so sorry- I’m sending great thoughts your way and am so sickened by the foster care system in your state. I hope that judge knows karma is a bitch.
August 12th, 2008 at 4:32 pm
I am so pissed I can’t even see straight. I cannot stop crying for you and Snowbaby and Bubba! I have stood in intercessory prayer for you and will continue to do so until the people with authority have realized their drastic mistake and make this right!! A freaking concrete box is not suitable for a dog in the backyard much less 2 precious children who deserve better - who deserve you!!
August 12th, 2008 at 4:49 pm
Ditto Pinky - I can’t f*cking see straight. I am so damn sorry Baggage. This is unbelievable. Is there anything we can do?
August 12th, 2008 at 4:49 pm
I’m speechless. I seriously cannot form words to describe my thoughts/feelings. Holy shit.
August 12th, 2008 at 5:03 pm
That’s insane.
I am so sorry.
August 12th, 2008 at 5:13 pm
Oh Baggage….
August 12th, 2008 at 5:25 pm
you have got to be kidding me. i sweat to buddha, if this system fails those kids and you, we will all riot.
August 12th, 2008 at 5:30 pm
um, ok. i just reread and reread and reread your post. then i read the comments. i’m all behind what poopyhands said.
i’m still trying to get over the fact that all she has to do is do some “chores” and get paid in cash for them (wait, actually…all she has is a letter SAYING that she does that?) and it’s all good. that’s stable.
the more i read from you, the more i realize i have no idea how the foster system works. and as i learn, i realize i am really not amused with how it works.
like someone else said, maybe they are setting her up to fail? document everything about the fallout and love those kids harder than ever.
sending strength to you all……
August 12th, 2008 at 5:36 pm
How devastating… and I thought this was exactly the type of thing the new permanency laws were supposed to help avoid…
August 12th, 2008 at 5:38 pm
Ok. Ok. Ok. Ok, let’s see. There .. I can’t … ok, wait. Wait. No. There can’t … This can’t … This can NOT be. This is crazy. C.R.A.Z.Y. I’m going into super prayer mode. Not that I exactly pray as some people perceive it, but I “visualize” and I am visualizing Snowbaby and Bubba at HOME, with YOU, their MOTHER. I just don’t believe that a woman who couldn’t get it together for the last 18 months (or get it together at ALL, really) is suddenly going to be able to maintain anything resembling an acceptable circumstance for these kids. Maybe a couple weeks of faking it, but I just don’t think she’s up to it. It’s sad, but I just don’t believe she can. And, anyway, (I’m about to get judgmental and probably - perhaps deservedly - judged for it here), in my opinion it’s too late. Too late for her to get it together without doing damage to these babies by pulling them away from you. Therefore, I am going to believe and visualize and pray for this to quickly become evident to the courts, in the least harmful way possible to Snow and Bubs. Immediately followed by TPR and adoption by you.
Oh, Baggage …. No. I’m off to pray now.
August 12th, 2008 at 5:46 pm
OH
MY
GOD
!
August 12th, 2008 at 5:50 pm
I will be praying that real justice will be done, and that this wrong will be righted.
August 12th, 2008 at 6:17 pm
Son of a … I’m so sorry for all of you.
August 12th, 2008 at 6:38 pm
WHAT THE FUCK
August 12th, 2008 at 6:47 pm
Oh no! No, no, no. Baggage, I’m so sorry for you and the kids.
August 12th, 2008 at 7:49 pm
I don’t even know what to say. I’m beyond disgusted! I HATE how the system works. I’ll be praying! I wish I could do more!
August 12th, 2008 at 7:50 pm
My heart hurts for you, all and my mind is racing honestly, praying that their bio Mom does not make one of those visits….I know I’m not supposed to feel like that, but it’s exactly how I feel….
I’m sorry Baggage.
August 12th, 2008 at 7:52 pm
Wow. I can’t even imagine how scary that is for you and the kids. I’m sorry you have to go through this.
August 12th, 2008 at 7:56 pm
What I’ve observed:
1) This mother is not stable or consistent.
2) She seems to care about the kids on some level but can’t seem to do the things she needs to do to get them.
3) She likely has some mental health issues.
So, all that taken, these visits won’t go on for long. I bet at the 60 day mark that all of this will be reversed and they will be heading for a TPR. I’m sorry for many of the people involved in this situation, but I’m most sorry for Bubba and Snowbaby who will be as confused as hell.
August 12th, 2008 at 8:42 pm
Baggage, NO! No, no, no!
I want to punch someone for you. With you. Oh Baggage, I’m so sorry.
August 12th, 2008 at 9:02 pm
Oh my gosh. So sorry to hear this.
August 12th, 2008 at 9:21 pm
Letting them go with her unsupervised is going to be terribly difficult. But, unfortunately, you have no choice. What you do have is this — two children who were relatively unverbal when they moved in with you but now are able to express themselves both emotionally and verbally. It may be in Snowbaby speak, but you’ll hear and experience how these visits go. Keep your eyes and ears peeled and report what you see as matter-of-factly as possible.
Their mom has consistently done as little as she possibly can to avoid TPR. When reunification seems doomed, I wish they just never tried it at all, but we all know that’s not how the system worked.
Slugger went back to his birth mom, too, after she showed the courts new housing. DHS kept an eye on her, though, and the reunification didn’t stick.
I will keep hoping and wishing and praying that justice and the best scenario for Bubba and Snowbaby plays out in the end. I wish the rigamarole could just be skipped altogether, because it’s harmful to the kids. Your job now is to do what you’re wonderful at — support them, be as honest and forthright as their age and cognitive levels allow, be ready for the tantrums, and shower them with love and understanding.
You can do this, my friend. You’re stronger than you give yourself credit for.
August 12th, 2008 at 9:32 pm
That’s just disgusting.
August 12th, 2008 at 9:37 pm
I can’t believe this!
Why are the parent’s rights more important than Snowbaby and Bubba getting what’s best for them?
August 12th, 2008 at 9:50 pm
Are you FREAKING KIDDING ME???????
My dear, you are the most amazing person I know and for you to be going through this just is a sin. My thoughts and prayers shall be with you as you go through this time.
August 12th, 2008 at 10:19 pm
I’m sorry. My prayers are with you and your babies. What are snowbaby’s food allergies?
August 12th, 2008 at 10:25 pm
I am so sorry. Praying for you…
August 12th, 2008 at 11:10 pm
Absolutely mind boggling. I could almost understand this if it was shortly after they were placed with you, but 18 monhts? Totally nuts.
I am so sorry and my heart is aching for you. My prayers will be with you all.
August 12th, 2008 at 11:46 pm
Oh such bullshit. The system at it’s best , once again. I am not recertifying this November. I will be praying for you guys.
August 13th, 2008 at 12:28 am
oh dear girl,
I am so, so, so, sorry.
August 13th, 2008 at 1:35 am
Oh, sweetie. Oh, I am so sorry.
August 13th, 2008 at 3:42 am
This has left me speechless
August 13th, 2008 at 5:32 am
I second what everybody else says. What the EFFING HELL?!
With any luck, this just wont stick. I mean, all of what we currently know about this borth mother suggests that she’s incapable of sticking to plans long-term.
August 13th, 2008 at 8:36 am
I’m sorry, sweetie. You and these kids deserve better than this.
The only bright side - Since she’s had all these chances, the bio can’t legally say she didn’t have sufficient opportunities.
You are a really special person.
August 13th, 2008 at 8:45 am
I have no words. I just…I’m so sorry.
August 13th, 2008 at 8:45 am
baggage.
I’m so, so, so sorry.
Hang in there. I know you are so worried about the emotional damage visits will do to these kids… I’m going to keep everything crossed that she either doesn’t show or that the social workers will quickly see that damage and do what is in the kids best interest…
UGH. We are here for you, supporting you, hang in there.
August 13th, 2008 at 9:02 am
Just curious does the SW have anything to say about this. This just seems crazy. Also the fact the women is getting paid cash what about income tax. Isn’t that illegal. I am sure she is not claiming any of that money or will be filing it at the end of the year.
Maybe you can turn her in for tax evasion at the end of the year when she does not file but claims she has income.
I am really angry about this.
August 13th, 2008 at 9:52 am
Long time lurker here but had to comment. This is beyond unbelievable. I am so sorry this has happened on top of everything else. It’s just not right…
August 13th, 2008 at 9:58 am
Just checking in to let you know I am sending good vibes.
How is Callie taking this? She has to be just as attached to the little ones as you and Bug are.
August 13th, 2008 at 10:38 am
I am just sick about this. I’m so, so sorry.
August 13th, 2008 at 11:30 am
I’m speechless. I am praying for you and the children.
I hope the 60 days will pass quickly, leave no permanent damage on the kids and end with a resolution in your favor.
Be strong, they need your stability now more than ever. Good luck.
August 13th, 2008 at 11:48 am
And I am horrified. And so sorry.
August 13th, 2008 at 12:58 pm
Why are the minimum standards for bio parents to take care of the kids, always so much lower than the standards for foster parents?
I’m so sorry about this turn of events.
August 13th, 2008 at 12:58 pm
I am so, so sorry.
August 13th, 2008 at 3:19 pm
What the…
I’m stunned. Just stunned. Nothing else to say except that I’m so terribly sorry. That really, really sucks.
August 13th, 2008 at 3:56 pm
Oy. holy f’ing sh*t.
I can’t believe it. But, really, I can. It’s the trend these days, the newest thing, “send the kids back to crappy parents cuz, ya know, they’re parents! don’t require any long-term stability or parenting classes or anything - that’s just *hard*!”
I pray, too, that these wonderful little kids stay safe and have permanency ASAP.
Damn.
August 13th, 2008 at 4:36 pm
This is completely fucked up!! I know I shouldn’t use that language on your blog, but that is the only word you can use to describe this situation…..I totally hate the government….
August 13th, 2008 at 7:03 pm
Enough rope to hang herself, that’s what they are doing. All so that she can’t win TPR with her lawyer proving the state failed to give her enough opportunity to do what is right for her kids.
The sad part is that you and the kids will suffer the most through this.
Lots of prayers for you all through this highly stressful and unnecessary time.
Been there, and our BM failed a UA the Friday before Monday court when the goal was to RU instead of filing TPR. Guess what we got and now we are adopted!
August 13th, 2008 at 10:20 pm
That SUCKS! If I were one of the people deciding on the fate of these kids, I would say to that mother, “Too little, too late.”
August 14th, 2008 at 2:22 am
I hope Joyce is right. This makes my heart hurt - I can only imagine what it’s doing to yours. I cannot fathom why a cement room with a mattress and money from a friend constitutes being a parent. I’m so sorry hon.
August 15th, 2008 at 11:55 am
You have got to be flipping kidding me. I am beyond sick at what this system does to kids. So sorry for all of you.
August 15th, 2008 at 11:12 pm
I will pray that Joyce is right.
August 17th, 2008 at 12:57 pm
Unsupervised? Yikes.
I doubt if she’ll make it based on her past history,but for short term this is just awful. Poor Snowbaby and Bubba.
September 9th, 2008 at 8:45 pm
Make sure they give her their lice! She’ll run screaming!
I am so sorry for this news. You are in my prayers.