Whew
That was a big long bit of reviewing!
Things are going OK here. We had a meeting with our local caseworker this morning and I talked to the other caseworker last night and I was able to get some of this anxiety about working/money off my chest. Of course, everything takes so much time. This person has to send it to this person who has to send it to this person to approve. And once it is approved, it has to be processed in the system. So while nothing is an immediate fix, I feel a little more confident that the ball is in motion.
Speaking of ball, Bug played in her first softball game on Tuesday. I was thrilled. I’m a huge baseball fan and while I went to her soccer and basketball games, I wasn’t really into it. I’m so excited she is playing softball and it seems to be a better fit for her. Soccer and basketball were too intense and she seemed to get overwhelmed in the middle of the game. Here team lost, but Bug was happy with how she played and she didn’t have any behavior issues at all.
Today I’m working on posting some house rules. I’ve been meaning to do this for a long time. I don’t mind giving Callie freedom, but there have been some conflicts. For instance, she doesn’t want to eat anything I cook. So she won’t eat it, then Bug tries to not eat it, and then Callie will go into the kitchen later and cook something different for her to eat. Except she will use up all the cheese, which I was going to use for tomorrow’s dinner. And then she’ll leave the oven on all night.
And it is my fault, because I need to set specific guidelines as to what I think is acceptable. I don’t mind if she helps herself to a snack, but I do mind if she cooks an entire meal for herself without checking with me. I don’t mind her saying “crap” or “damn” but I do object to calling someone a “fag.”
But she has no way of knowing this, and so I think that a family meeting is in order to go over the rules in the house and what is expected. Once I’ve got them done, I’ll post them.
Do you have any strange house rules?
May 24th, 2007 at 1:37 pm
My DH and I have all kinds of rules… who knows what having a kid will mean about rules.
No trash/organic trash in the sink.
Front door locked.
Clothes in laundry bag, not *on* bag.
No cuss words, eye rolling or sarcasm.
May 24th, 2007 at 1:53 pm
- saying “Shut up” is not allowed
- saying “Stupid” is not allowed
- no yelling in the house
- no food or drink outside of the kitchen/dining room
- no slamming doors
- if you are angry, you are allowed to go to your room and punch your pillow
They are not strange, and may be a “given”, but we have them and occassionally my son is the one who reminds us about them.
May 24th, 2007 at 1:58 pm
Urg. Tom and I have fights about what is allowed and what is not.We curse in the house, but only so far as shit or damn. I try not to say fuck too often(though 8 months prego, yeah, it slips out more than it should) but never ever ever is the c-word or the n-word to be used. Lei is only ever allowed to watch the disney channel, nickolodeon and Cartoon network(BTW cartoon network is crazy these days) Bedtime is at 8:30, half an hour of tv after lights out, but with a sleep timer. Lei does have to pick up her toys before bed, but she really only crams them away in her toyboxes, so it’s all a little cluttered. She has to help fold her laundry, and she puts it away herself.
I don’t make Lei eat things she does not like, but we do have the “you have to try it once” rule. Punishments include bed without TV, taking away certain toys like the tv or the DVD player(like, right out of the bedroom) or weeding the flower beds with mom.
The only thing I think we do differently than other people is that on weekends, Leila’s bedtime is whenever she wants to go to bed. Usually by ten pm. I know that sounds a little odd, but it does help her sleep later in the mornings. Also, I let Leila be angry and throw fits, but if she wants to throw fits, she has to go to her room and close the door. I think it’s important for kids to be allowed to be angry.
These are just the rules for my house. Since I was a single parent until Leila was four, I imagine households that have two parents from day one might be a bit different.
May 24th, 2007 at 2:00 pm
Hmm, apologies, didn’t realize that was so darn long!
May 24th, 2007 at 2:20 pm
This isn’t mine, but I read it in an article about house rules. The kids came up with it: “We eat salads.” In their case, they honestly ate salads a lot and put it in their rules because A) they tried to make positive rules, not negative ones and B) they didn’t look quite so weird if friends came over and asked why salad or wondered if they had to eat it, too: Why, it’s a house rule!
Anyway, my idea for house rules is:
1. Respect the members of this house (including pets).
2. Respect this house.
Of course, you’ll probably end up with subpoints, but being able to remember 2 rules is probably easier than a long list. 1 means being nice to others, not calling names, being respectful about the food that is cooked and served to you, etc. #2 means treating your clothes, your room, Mom and Dad’s possessions, the chair, the table, etc., well.
By the way–I disagree with allowing Callie to not eat what’s at dinner. That’s terribly disrepectful of the time and energy (and money) you have put into the meal. Some folks will offer a plain addition to meals–something they know the kid likes like pb sandwich (no jelly) or tuna salad or whatever works for you–but do not allow the kid to have their own meals whenever they want. If she doesn’t eat with the family, she’s not being part of the family. [I know, I know. I only have a 2 year old, so what do I know? I’m just giving you another option, that’s all!
]
May 24th, 2007 at 2:28 pm
Living on a budget and needing to know what food items I have at all times, when one of the kids doesn’t like what I made for dinner, they get a PB&J or a bologna sandwich. Ramen’s also a good one to keep on hand.
As to rules, everything’s kind of an off-shoot of the respect rule: respect yourself and respect others. If you follow those two rules, everything else falls into place.
But no kid follows those rules all the time (or even some of the time). So we break it down further: If it’s not yours, don’t take it/eat it/touch it/smell it. If it’s yours, share it some times. Keep hands to yourself. Words should be kind, not demeaning. And apologize when you’ve done something wrong; you won’t get in less trouble, but people will be less upset with you.
May 24th, 2007 at 2:38 pm
My house rules tend to be changed from day to day but some of the stranger ones are, Peepee only goes in the toilet, Mommy is not your maid, you don’t get dessert after two bites, bedtime at 9:00-Even if…., Because I’m the Mommy and you’re the child, and my all time favorite, Well I love you anyways. That is a rule I say works for almost anything, and it helps put me back into the right frame of mind, but I use these rules for any kids I have in my house, and they tend to work. But I feel your pain of the teenage stuff, that would totally be fine if there wasn’t Bug and the little ones watching everything. It seems like Callie would like to be seen as a roommate, which is what I wanted to be at that age, so goodluck with the little control issues you have coming.
May 24th, 2007 at 2:51 pm
Some of our house rules include sitting at the table and at least trying what has been served. Everyone has input into the meal plan so we know ahead of time what to expect. Meals are about more than food, it’s also family time. Default is one PB&J not a whole other meal.
We also have rules about laundry.
Outside and animal chores and play in the morning/ indoor chores and school done in the afternoon (while its too hot to be outside). Pretty basic stuff.
May 24th, 2007 at 3:03 pm
Our house rule is really my rule, which is no farting when others are around unless you really can’t help it. This was my mother’s rule too, and I just really hate it when someone lets one rip and stinks up the room. I know, I’m no fun.
About the food thing with Callie–Is the meal she makes herself something healthy and reasonable, or is she just wanting junk? I ask because I was a really picky eater as a kid and teen. I’m a supertaster, which means I have more taste buds than most people, and I just really can’t tolerate certain tastes, like fresh berries (they’re just too strong) or grapefruit (too bitter). My dad was a “you eat what’s put in front of you” parent, and didn’t think we should have a say in what we ate, which made my life miserable when he was home. I wasn’t trying to be anti-social or disrespectful, I just really couldn’t eat what a lot of people found to be normal foods. I’m not saying Callie is like me, but I really think you’re doing the right thing by not forcing her, as long as the choices she makes are good ones and they aren’t killing your grocery budget. Maybe if she helped with the meal planning, you could come to a consensus about what everyone can eat. And btw, I still can’t stand the taste of coffee (even in a dessert as a flavor), but I have learned to tolerate and even enjoy spinach
May 24th, 2007 at 4:01 pm
i am going to email you our list
May 24th, 2007 at 4:30 pm
Perhaps we’re not structured enough but we have more principles (courtesy, non-violence, etc.) than rules. That’s mainly because where we have rules, we also have loopholes and it turns into Please Don’t Eat the Daisies.
We do have a few; primarily this is not Burger King, I’m not running a cafeteria, you can eat or not eat, but it’s a long time to breakfast.
I’ve lightened up a little on that one now that they’re older but I’m still not having 4 different meals in production at the same time.
And early bedtime during the school week (with about a 30 minute window).
I do have one girl who would prefer and would benefit from more rules and structure though so one size sure doesn’t fit all.
May 24th, 2007 at 5:04 pm
Our biggest house rule when Jen was a teen was, “We build each other up, we don’t tear each other down.” In other words, no negativity. Other than that, it was the usual of rinse off your dishes, keep your room semi-clean, help around the house.
May 24th, 2007 at 5:04 pm
1. No name calling. Its ok to say how you FEEL but never to ridicule/harass/demean someone else for HOW they made you feel. IE…You can’t control other people’s actions, but you can always control your Re-Actions.
2. PB & Saltine & H2O rule: Works perfectly. No kidding. And not terribly inhumane. Here’s how it works- if you gripe about what I fixed for dinner, or refuse to eat it, it goes in the fridge. Until you decide to eat it, then you may dine on Peanut Butter & Saltines & Water, with 2 pieces of fruit/veggies added per day if this continues beyond 2 meals. Which is has- 1 time. The rest of the kiddos always submit to the rule without 24 hrs, especially when I pull out all the stops- BBQ chicken breast, homemade cookies, extra cheesy Mac & Cheez, etc.
If it is something “odd” (like things involving mayo appear to be for some people- tuna salad, chicken salad), you must at least try it and swallow it without vomiting. After 3 bites, if you still hate it, you can leave it on your plate and we’ll declare it a “not fave”. Otherwise, chow down.
It really really works.
May 24th, 2007 at 5:05 pm
FYI…beware of the Ramens due to sodium/lack of protein. They’ll have a carb-high from the noodles, but then crash because no protein. Bad combo in teen girls ha ha. Plain PB is much healthier
May 24th, 2007 at 6:03 pm
No rule ideas here- but as to Callie not eating what you cooked… I guess I’d let her eat cereal, some type of sandwich, scrambled egg or get a couple microwave meals or canned ravioli or something for her to eat.
My only rule is- I don’t cook again after what is made for dinner and neither does anyone else.
Kikilia
May 24th, 2007 at 6:59 pm
Sheesh- I should have said- my only rule regarding meals…. I do have others for the Pipsqueak… sheesh… is my tiredness showing?
Kikilia
May 24th, 2007 at 10:05 pm
For dinner:
You have to try a bite of everything. You don’t have to like it, but you have to try it. Don’t make rude remarks about what other people eat. You have to sit with both buttcheeks on the chair.
For car rides:
No screaming in the car. No unbuckling your seatbelt for any reason while the car is moving and/or turned on. If we’re going to listen to music, it has to be enjoyable (or tolerable) for everyone.
For life in general:
Say please and thank you. Don’t lie. Never apologize with an ‘if.’ Apologizing by saying “I’m sorry if your feelings were hurt” is not good enough, because it is sidestepping personal responsibility.
May 25th, 2007 at 2:49 am
when I was a scputleader on camps I issued a don’tlikethatvoucher and a written menu for the whole camp. The children had to decide for themselfves if and when they turned in their voucher (in other words what did they dislike the most). Then they got another meal (sandwicheds). If they hadn’t put in their voucer they weren’t allowed to complain. For children who didn’t use tyheir vouche we had a litle emblem that said: “I am a good eater”.
It worked a charm. No fusses about eating with 30 children for 5 days. I think it would be really easy to adapt to a family. One a week and palnning your meals (Which can be good for the finaces too).
May 25th, 2007 at 10:18 am
I wrote a reply last night but forgot to hit submit, so here is a short version of what I wrote.
One of my kids likes to cook but we include it in the meal planning, that way we have the neccessary ingrediants. It also has to be a balanced meal.
Maybe you can say to Callie “I noticed that you like to prepare your own meals. I am on a tight budget though and can’t afford to have two meals prepared every night. Maybe we can meal plan together and one or two nights a week you can cook your favourite meals for us.”
Just a suggestion.
May 28th, 2007 at 1:08 am
One weird rule I had to implement recently was “you may not use your finger as toilet paper and then wipe poop on the wall by the toilet.” I am so not kidding about that one.
Because G is an only child, we probably don’t have as many rules as other households — there’s no need for rules about sharing/teasing/fighting/other sibling stuff. (Obviously I would correct that sort of behavior if it emerged during a playdate, but it never has.) She does have a posted list of “responsibilities” that she’s supposed to complete every day, like showering, doing homework, feeding the cats, putting dirty dishes in the sink. I wouldn’t say they all get done all the time, but they’re there.
Food isn’t much of an issue because I don’t really do a lot of cooking — with just the two of us, we’d never be able to finish the leftovers. So I just make pasta and sandwiches and other things I know she’ll eat. If we’re someplace where she doesn’t like what’s being served (or can’t have it because it isn’t vegetarian), she just says “No thank you” and eats later at home.
Again, things would probably be different if we were a multi-kid family, and we did have a few more rules when her dad was alive. But there’s only one of her, and overall she’s pretty well-behaved, so I can get away with being more relaxed.
May 28th, 2007 at 8:24 pm
As the new mom of a 2 1/2 year old, our “strange” rules are just that - strange.
1. No flapping at the dinner table.
2. No licking the carport.
Yup, there’s a story for each one them.
May 29th, 2007 at 5:04 am
Our food rules are pretty simple, but pretty strict:
1. You must take one reasonable bite of each dish at each meal, no making faces, no “ewww” comments. One bite. You don’t know if you like it or not unless you try it, and tastes change. True allergies are exempt, of course, and we each can have ONE food that we really don’t like and don’t have to even taste…runny eggs, for example, or cooked mushrooms. This exemption does not apply to broad categories like “I don’t like vegetables.”
2. You may express polite opinions with words like “prefer” or “care for.” No impolite words like “hate” or “gross”. As in: “I don’t care for cooked green peppers, thank you” NOT “Yuck, I hate that gross stuff!” (This sort of follows for all facets of life…you can say “I’m angry about what you just said” but you can’t say “I HATE YOU!”
3. There are three choices for each meal — you may eat what’s been provided, you may have peanut butter on whole wheat bread and an apple, or you may go hungry. No other choices, no preparing your own separate meal. No one can force you to eat, but your choices are pretty specific. (We avoid the whole “please, please eat something!” by making sure that breakfast each day is substantial, with high-fiber, high-nutrition things we know everyone is likely to eat.)
4. Snacks are in a specific drawer of the fridge and on a specific shelf in the pantry…no limits (apples, celery, carrot sticks, water, raisins — nothing processed like cheese or crackers).
5. You must sit at the table until we’re all finished…you don’t have to make conversation if you don’t wish, but no whining/sighing/kicking/etc.
I know, I know…for many people, this would be boot camp. But it works for us.