In case you were confused…
Yes, I chose this.
Yes, this is what I wanted.
No, that does not give you the right to say I’m “acting like a victim” at the end of a very long day which involved court and fevers and tons of stealing. IT IS NOT HELPFUL.
Also, to my helper:
I gave you another chance. And then I explained to you VERY CLEARLY that I had to pull Bug out of public school because she was about to get expelled. That she had stolen so much stuff that I needed to get her out of there before someone pressed charges. That she would be homeschooled but YOU WERE NOT TO HELP HER WITH ANYTHING.
So why is half of her work done in your handwriting? Why, when I told you that I was going to the store and you should work on the bathrooms while I was gone and NOT TO HELP BUG, are you upstairs sitting at the kitchen table telling Bug what is left to do and THE BATHROOMS ARE NOT TOUCHED????
Part of giving Bug an assignment list is for her to develop responsibility. You are not to tell her what she has left. You are not to write her spelling words for her or write her answers in her books. You ARE SUPOSSED TO BE CLEANING MY GOD DAMN BATHROOMS.
And now this means I will HAVE to fire you because I have told you like THIRTY times to leave Bug alone and let her work by herself. There is a reason for this. I EVEN PUT IT IN WRITING so you would not be confused.
So now I won’t have a freaking helper and I’m about to go nuts because I am having to go through the house and lock everything up. If I leave one food item out, the girls eat it ALL. If I leave money anywhere, it is gone. My makeup? They’ve used it all. There are chunks of brownies under beds, my lip gloss under pillows. Cell phones that don’t belong to us. Money. FIFTEEN (and counting) LIBRARY books that were stolen from the school library.
Does anyone want a live in nanny job? Do any men, or hell women, read this blog and want to get married?
GOD DAMN.
Edited to add:
While I was gone, Bug asked the helper if she liked her job so far.
She said, “Not really.”
Why?
“Because your mom is too perfect.”
HAHAHAHAHA.
Also, Bug threw a bottle brush at her. Got her soaking wet.
Unsure as to whether this was related to me being so perfect.
March 27th, 2007 at 6:08 pm
Marry me! Except I’m already married. But other than that, I’m game!
And to the asshat who told you that you were acting like a victim???
Bite me.
March 27th, 2007 at 6:18 pm
God, you poor thing. If I were not in another state, I would be over there helping out. I hope things get better SOON.
March 27th, 2007 at 6:22 pm
Acting like a victim?? I act more like a victim than you any day of the week, and I have one (1) baby to take care of. I whine about being tired, not getting anything done. No sleep. House a mess. Whine. I’m in constant awe of you, how you handle four all at once with no break-in period.
As for the stealing, I’m clueless. Could you just put everything in cabinets and put big fat locks on them? I’m not much help, sorry.
March 27th, 2007 at 6:29 pm
Dude, whoever said you were ‘acting like a victim’ has CLEARLY never had to parent the equivilant of TWELVE normal children in the guise of four speial needs ones, ON THEIR OWN. What a TOTAL asshat. Why the hell do people feel the need to make comments like that?
Also, if I lived on the same continent as you, I’d totally take a live-in nanny job (childcare is my ONLY source of income right now and the kids I normal babysit just moved to Hong Kong), but, unfortunately, I can’t help. But can you advertise around? Even just get in local teenagers who nromally do babysitting to occupy Butterfly for you for a couple of hours a day while you take a bath and wrest up. Do you know any other parents who live near you? You could ask them about reliable babysitters and/or cleaners and stuff.
March 27th, 2007 at 6:36 pm
HUGS.
you are not acting like a victim.
I don’t know how to deal with the stealing. The locks might be a good idea.
More HUGS
March 27th, 2007 at 6:47 pm
I just don’t know what to say…except, if you came to Canada, we could get married, –oops forgot my husband!
I’m sorry, and about Bug, well, this is the pits. Has she changed her meds? Is puberty messing this up?
March 27th, 2007 at 7:12 pm
Couldn’t we just live in sin instead?
I thought you had locked up your food.
March 27th, 2007 at 7:46 pm
Sorry you are in a rough patch right now. I’ll do your bathrooms if you do mine
I hope you find a dependable helper. I love it when my niece needs a little extra cash and she comes over.
March 27th, 2007 at 7:46 pm
Man, if only they read the books they stole, then MAYBE….(ok, kidding, but sending big hugs). I am glad the court laid out a clear plan and a timetable - at the very least there is something to be followed.
March 27th, 2007 at 7:53 pm
I’m with both Jessica and DD. (I’m more of a victim and, hey, come live in sin! My husband would be thrilled, heh.)
*hugs*
(If their library is anything like ours, they’d just be glad to have the books back.)
March 27th, 2007 at 8:07 pm
I love you Baggage. I really do.
I love how you can make something so difficult be funny.
I am unfortunately already married, but if he should get hit by a truck I will let you know.
March 27th, 2007 at 8:25 pm
What Yondalla done said.
Big time.
Much, much love.
March 27th, 2007 at 9:06 pm
ok, whoever the prick is that said you are ‘acting like a victim’ needs to get a beat down….by all of us. how dare they? let’s let them do what you are doing and see how they feel at the end of an emotional day, let alone a week.
if i wasn’t nannying here and lived nearby, you could bet your younglooking tuckus that i would help you out. if you need any nanny advice (seriously) just drop me a line, ok?
much love to you.
March 27th, 2007 at 9:16 pm
Well I did just quit my job! lol
As for marriage, I think that Burtle would be upset if I married you
Baggage, you aren’t a victim. Period the end. You’re just stock piling karma for a big cash in!
Sending good thoughts your way.
March 27th, 2007 at 9:46 pm
I love you honey. And I’m already married, but would happily take you on as a live in lover if we were closer. (But you know, without the sex.) I do know that you are a smart, strong, loving, fabulous woman and this too, you shall overcome. I will be thinking good thoughts for you. c
March 27th, 2007 at 10:44 pm
Why are all my readers married? Damn!
I love all of you…and would live in sin with you any day.
March 27th, 2007 at 10:48 pm
Before I type, I owe Bug an apology- In the course of our second move in 2 months (!) I lost email access. And had to change banks. And had to reorder atm cards/etc because they misprinted it. So is it too late to make good on my St Jude promise? I feel sooooo bad.
On to the other issue- stealing. We had a nephew that lived with us for a while (thief/liar extraordinaire, but so pitiful).
Go to Walmart and buy the heavy plastic footlockers (mine is grey and blue I think). They should be putting them out again soon- typically pre-summer for the college students to be. A tool chest from a yard sale/home depot works too. They have a little insert for a padlock, which you’ll also need. Get the combo kind, not the key kind, because eventually you’ll lay the keys down and the girls will raid the locker.
Sit both girls down and try this method. It worked for us like a charm.
“Girls, I love you. Because I love you, I have to protect you and teach you. I’ve asked you not to get into certain things, like my money, sweets, medicines, (whatever else). I thought that you were able to be obedient, because you wanted me to know that you loved me too, and being respectful shows me that you love me, just like hugs do.
But because you can’t, or won’t, use self-control, I’m going to have to lock up these things. This lock can only be opened on Sundays, which means we can only have dessert on Sundays. (or whatever works for you). This will help you remember that bad choices have bad consequences.
The good news is, once I can see that you’re being obedient on other things, like doing school work, and not touching things that you aren’t supposed to, and by doing your chores, then we’ll have good consequences, like having the trunk open more.”
Then lock it and stick with it. It takes 21 days to form a new habit. Be patient and praisefilled. When they screw up (which they will), don’t yell, fuss or scream. Simply look at them quietly with a disappointed look until they say “sorry.”
As for the stealing- if they take things that aren’t theirs from outside the house- its time for public apologies and penance. Yes, I mean they have to go to the owner, hand it back and apologize. Work out with the owner in advance what chore (yard raking, weed pulling, etc) will be the penance and let the OWNER (not you, let others be the bad guy sometimes or your child will resent you more than necessary
tell the child.
Also, we have a rule in our house- if you take something from someone else without permission, you lose a favorite item for 2 days (longer if necessary). Lock it in the trunk and explain simply “Bad action- bad consequence”.
Keep it simple. Kids that age need repetition and consistency to learn.
As for the homeschooling, see if you can find a homeschooling coop. We have an online one too, and you’d be amazed at the families that love to trade babysitting time (and the older homeschoolers who love to be cheap mommy’s helpers) in ours. Some of the freshman-seniors are uber-responsible, eager for cash, and have no desire to work outside the home (especially religious ones). They also are typically very well versed at chores, don’t help younger sibs with schoolwork at home and therefore won’t have a problem not helping Bug, and are used to dealing with younger sibs on behavior.
If you need some guidance on finding a great group, let me know. I found ours from yahoo groups originally, when we stopped using a “real life” group (no time).
Some kids need peer pressure to be motivated in schoolwork. You can get that in homeschooling, you just have to be creative. Also, Bug may be bored or lost as a goose, both of which can cause her to not want to do work.
The key to homeschooling IMO is allowing the child to pick areas of study, then incorporating the 3 R’s into it. Unit studies saved our life!!
GOod luck, and don’t let anyone get you down. Tomorrow is a new day, people’s words can only hurt you if you allow it, and you are doing an awesome job loving those kiddos!!!
March 27th, 2007 at 11:07 pm
I’d marry you. Slight problem though. I’m a minor. If I lived near you I’d babysit for you.
March 27th, 2007 at 11:40 pm
No advice, sorry. Just wish I lived nearby and could help you out. Hoping things get better soon.
March 28th, 2007 at 1:13 am
If you want babysitting I’d call the local highschools and ask a counselor if there’s anyone they could recommend. I got a great job in highschool (2-yr-old twins and a newborn) b/c someone phoned my counselor and he put an ad in our school newsletter. You can also ask him to talk to the person who teaches “children’s services” or “family studies” type classes, and they can often give you some names of students who are heading into the childcare field who would love the experience.
You could also call the colleges and ask for CYCC (Child & Youth Care Counselling) students (or the equivalent where you are). They will often do it for free just for the experience. Sometimes you need certain hours to get into the programs and that could help them out too.
Just some ideas, not sure if they help at all.
March 28th, 2007 at 2:41 am
Good grief! This person must have problems with authority, or just can’t stand to have someone tell her what to do. In which case she better become independently wealthy.
I hope you are able to find someone else.
March 28th, 2007 at 3:48 am
The thing that bothers me the most about your helper is the fact that she told Bug she didn’t like her job… which involved helping take care of Bug’s house and Bug’s family! I have had had a lot of jobs working with kids… some of which I did not enjoy at all. But if a kid asked me if I liked my job, I always said YES! I mean honesty is one thing, but… jeez!
March 28th, 2007 at 2:07 pm
Good Grief. Maybe you can hire a “professional” cleaning person. It might not be every day but what they can do in an hour probably took your helper all week.
March 28th, 2007 at 4:58 pm
What the expletive, man. To all of it. Damn.
If you come to MA we can really get married.
March 28th, 2007 at 9:21 pm
I’d marry you but then again I am already married and I really don’t think he would be OK with that. Plus we all know I am too darn difficult to live with
All of the things with Bug… I am shaking my head thinking “btdt with the big man” You could be telling his story sometimes. I feel for you I do.
March 29th, 2007 at 12:32 am
Dude, if I ever lose my husband I am never getting married again. Lez be friends, instead.
March 30th, 2007 at 7:30 am
i trully feel for you.and im in constant awe of your big heart.whoever said you are playing the victim owe you a huge apology.you are an angel.that is all i can say.and if i was anywhere near you i would do anything to help.with all these people backing you up in here,you sure should be able to find a ray of sunshine in the mess that seemingly is prevailing now.take care and keep loving the babies!