The results
The majority of my test results are in.
Nothing is wrong with me.
I don’t have diabetes, I don’t have liver disease, I do not have problems with my thryoid nor do I have an infection of some type.
I had a very slightly elevated albumin level. She said it just basically indicates I was slightly dehydrated, but she said it wasn’t even really relevant. Just make sure I keep up my water intake.
Right now, the tentative diagnosis is Adult ADD. It was mentioned in passing at my first appointment, but I thought that there was no way that was it because I don’t act like Bug does. Well, apparently Adult ADD and childhood ADHD/ADD have many differences. I have taken multiple screening tests now, all which indicate that this is probably the case. (In fact, one rather rudely told me to “Seek medical attention IMMEDIATELY”)
I got a list of symptoms of Adult ADD and it was like reading a (rather embarassing) book about my personality. Mom, Dad and Geo all nodded their virtual heads in agreement.
In actuality, having this tentative diagnosis has done worlds for my attitude this morning. You know, I will be the first to admit that some of the issues related to my sexual abuse are still present in my life. I am sure they will always be. But on the most part, I am very comfortable talking about it. I get emails from time to time from people who stumble on this blog and want to talk or want advice on sexual abuse. Doesn’t bother me. When my grandfather died, a large part of the issues I had died with him. The anxiety, the fear that he would kill me or my family. And while I am a little bitter that my stupid ovary issue is related to the abuse, I also feel a tremendous sense of relief that Dr. Gel said I could get knocked up.
I guess my point is..every single time I have ever tried to get help for an issue in my life in the past 10 years, as soon as they hear I am an abuse survivor they pin everything on that. Extremely short temper? Well you are harboring anger from your abuse. Can’t concentrate? It’s the depression. Tendency to bounce around from thing to thing without finishing it? Oh, well maybe you are bipolar. Low self esteem? Feeling that you are underachieving in your life? Well duh, you are an abuse survivor. You are expected to have low self esteem.
And it never really felt right to me. In fact, I had some therapist who refused to talk about anything other than my abuse. Even though sometimes I wanted to talk about my marriage. Or sometimes I wanted to talk about my relationship with Bug.
So when Dr. Lunch told me that I was probably feeling this way because I have depression and anxiety and maybe the Wellbutrin wasn’t working and maybe I needed to try Paxil, I got a little pissed.
Because I know what depressed is. I know what anxious is. And I wasn’t really either of those things. I was depressed because I felt horrible. I was depressed because I didn’t get picked for the kids. But hey, that is normal. It was just a bit of sadness. When I really took an honest look at what effects the ADs have had on me, I would say that they helped but they never fixed. They took the edge off, but they never dealt with 70% of my issues. I thought I would just have to be like that forever. I thought I would be mostly unhappy forever.
And when I really trace back this current downward trend I’ve been in, I can almost pinpoint it.
Right at the time I graduated from college, lost the structure of my classes, lost the security of my GI Bill and was suddenly my own boss and responsible for my own income.
I’ve walked around for the past month or so feeling like I am stupid and lazy. And I’m not.
Anyway, I’m waiting to hear from the doctor as to what the next step is. Of course, the VA doesn’t really specialize in adults with ADD so there is already an issue with medication and the like. I’m working on it.
But I am optimistic. For the first time in my life, I’ve seen a list of almost everything that is bad about me and somebody has said, “Hey. We can help you fix this. It is not your fault. This can be fixed.”
That is very powerful.
Technorati Tags: test results, ADD, ADHD, depression, anxiety, therapy
February 1st, 2007 at 6:00 pm
Great job! I’m so glad you blogged on this, right up my alley.
I hope you get the meds figured out - I know that deciding type/dosage is no picnic, but nothing ever is.
Having a diagnosis, so meaningful.
February 1st, 2007 at 6:05 pm
Well that was quick! So the doc said this, and will help you, or you still have to get one to assess you?
I’m sure the online screenings probably were good, but they can’t prescribe, or work on a differential diagnosis just in case.
I’m glad you feel some relief anyway.
February 1st, 2007 at 6:36 pm
I just wanted to say that, you may not have tested positive for those things, but you are not feeling bad for no reason.
No one feels ‘not right’ for no reason at all.
I hope that the possibility of Adult ADD will lead you to helpful answers.
I hope you are able to keep working to figure this out. I am sure that it can be frustrating at times.
Take care of yourself.
February 1st, 2007 at 7:21 pm
Oh, that’s great!
February 1st, 2007 at 7:24 pm
wow I didnt even know about Adult ADD. I hope it helps you to feel better.
Drink Gatorade
February 1st, 2007 at 9:23 pm
What are the symptoms and signs of adult ADD? (I sometimes wonder if I am like that, you know?…)
February 2nd, 2007 at 1:43 am
The thing I always try to take into account is that doctors diagnose based on what they know in their experience. And quite simply, the way we do things in the west can be a bit limiting if we only look at the physical body, or the mind by focusing only on chemicals.
First off, have you tried going with a proven multivitamin (meaning that it is actually absorbed in the body, rather than most of it exiting in the toilet)? Many of our mental issues that we call ADD, depression, bipolar, while they are very real, can also be greatly improved upon by having the appropriate nutrients. For instance, vitamin B in various forms is incredibly helpful for the brain and concentration. And it doesn’t cause elevated liver enzymes like medication. You can also breastfeed while on vitamins, which isn’t true of medications (just thinking ahead to children).
Another option is to look at the energy side of things. Perhaps there is more going on here than even vitamins and medication can address. And that will take a little more creativity and time. When you get the chance, see how many of these characteristics you find are true. http://www.metagifted.org/topics/metagifted/indigo/adultIndigos/areYouAnAdultIndigo.html
Drop me an email sometime and we can talk about this more.
February 2nd, 2007 at 2:03 am
That’s huge. I’m weirdly happy for you.
February 2nd, 2007 at 4:40 am
I just stopped in and read your post. You sound like an intelligent woman who knows when to give up and when to keep going. I was just watching Mystery Diagnosis today on TLC and the diagnosis were caught because people didn’t give up. Not that your condition is life threatening, that I know of.
ANyway just wanted to let you kow I am here and say HI!
Nichole
February 2nd, 2007 at 4:41 am
Hmm … could you be … an ADD SUPERSTAR?
If so, pleased to have you in our ranks. We promise to get really excited about your presence, then forget all about you, then remember you just in time to forget to pay our bills because that’s how busy we are remembering you. Ahem.
February 2nd, 2007 at 9:12 am
It’s good to have a definite diagnosis - when I was finally told that my eating issues were a form of OCD, just knowing that it wasn’t because I was greedy or stupid or had no self control but because of an issue I couldn’t help, was such a relief. It’s good to know you’re feeling better - an REALLY good you don’t have cancer or diabetes or anything (I worry). I’m glad you’re okay. ^_^
February 2nd, 2007 at 2:04 pm
That’s great! I’m glad to hear you are physically healthy and that the ADD diagnosis feels right to you. Ten years ago in college I finally got myself diagnosed with adult ADD (I’m able to compensate really well academically, it affects me socially). I’m not entirely positive it’s the right diagnosis, I’m going back now to find out if it’s something called a non-verbal learning disability instead. I might have both actually. Anyway, ten years later, I’m still fiddling with medication. It helps me some, not as much as I hoped it would when I was first diagnosed, but it helps enough. I take an extremely low dose.
Drop me a line if you just want to talk about some of this. I found it a lot to absorb when I learned that so much that my ‘laziness,’ bad social skills, difficulties with organization and getting started, difficulties with easy work, etc. were all caused by ADD (maybe NVLD too) that I diagnosed myself.
February 3rd, 2007 at 6:20 am
Grear site!
February 5th, 2007 at 5:57 am
Wow, I’m not sure what to say after reading all that. I guess I really admire you for being able to deal with such circumstances with such a good attitude. I can imagine getting a diagnosis would be a great relief too.
Good luck to you and to your family. You sound like a very strong person.
February 5th, 2007 at 8:11 pm
Omigod UR my longlost sister!
No, seriously. I recently had my therapist suggest that I see a shrink about a possible adult ADD diagnosis. She said “would you rather hate yourself for not being able to do the things you want to do or see if medication will help you do them?”
And you know what? It has helped, a lot. And is probably also why I am not quite such a crazy blog commenter these days…
Email me if you want to talk about this offline.
March 25th, 2007 at 5:38 pm
I’m 35 and was recently diagnosed with ADD. I’ve been struggling with it since I was a kid. My doctor prescribed Adderall and that drug has changed my life. It is a night and day difference. Good luck finding what works well for you!
June 28th, 2007 at 9:13 am
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