When people feel that they share a commonality of circumstance they may feel free to ask certain questions.

And some people are so not-private, that they can’t imagine anyone else being caught off by their questions.

These are things that I tell myself when I’m feeling that I’ve inadequately answered a question that I wasn’t prepared for, or that hadn’t any business being asked in the first place.

Hopefully, he just thought, “Wow, here is this cute girl, with the potential to have a cute (biological) family. I wonder why she adopted and is choosing to be a foster parent once again?” I mean, most people don’t go that route. Especially not at your age.

However, if his suspicion was that you had difficulty conceiving, it would seem (to most reasonable people) inappropriate to ask that question. He would have done better to keep his hunch to himself after you answered.

Sometimes, if it is appropriate, I try to recreate the conversational circumstance so that I can finish a discussion that has gone cold, but I feel unsettled about.

If you’ll see him at each of these meetings, you may want to chat with him and his wife together. At some point, you may say, “I am curious. Can you tell me why you felt comfortable asking me that question?” Do you think you can do that? It may not be necessary, as you get to know them, but if you’re still kicking yourself, or feel that it is an opportunity to correct a pronounced insensitivity, it’s worth a shot.

Take care, and don’t call yourself such names!

He should have been brought up better or learned something along the way.

You responding to his question by being surprized, ambushed and confused is totally reasonable.

It took me a long, long time to not answer questions the same way. It is just that we are not trained to not give honest answers even to invasive questions that are not anyone else’s business.

Now, I try and stare at them like they have a lot of snot on their face and say “excuse me?” in a horrified tone of voice.

Doesn’t always work because I am still caught off guard.

That is the point though, in order to deal with this kind of question, we have to try and prepare ourselves for it, be ready for it and that, just ain’t right.