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Forget Fifty Shades of Grey. The metaphor she uses for it: a massage. Sometimes a massage, however sensual it feels, is just a massage. For others, a rubdown pretty much always leads to sex. It's kind of similar with BDSM; it's a matter of personal and sexual preference.

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Bondage message boards

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Bondage message boards

Gender and Sexuality. He, the CEO of a multimillion company, shits in the corner. Hell, you can even mess up with your own hands think: fisting : "[Some people] think kessage can clench a fist and stick it inside somebody," says Brame. Remember Bondage message boards Log In Sign Up.

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Populo evertitur ut his, summo errem postea te his. Our newly refreshed styles in , brings the old vb3 to the new level, responsive and modern feel. It comes with 3 colors with or without sidebar, fixed sized or fluid. Default vbulletin 3 style made responsive also available in the pack. Purchase Our Style Pack Now. Remember Me? Straight Dope Message Board. FAQ Calendar. Bryan Ekers. I'd hazard a guess that for people really into something, be it BDSM, comic-book collecting or Royal Doulton figurines, no word column from 26 years ago can possibly cover all the bases.

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BDSM (Bondage, Discipline, Sadomasochism), Kink, Fetish Research Papers - baggageandbug.com

Forget Fifty Shades of Grey. The metaphor she uses for it: a massage. Sometimes a massage, however sensual it feels, is just a massage. For others, a rubdown pretty much always leads to sex. It's kind of similar with BDSM; it's a matter of personal and sexual preference. BDSM isn't something that emerges from abuse or domestic violence, and engaging in it does not mean that you enjoy abuse or abusing.

Instead, enjoying BDSM is just one facet of someone's sexuality and lifestyle. The biggest myth is that you need this special set of circumstances. It's regular people who have a need for that to be their intimate dynamic. For instance, you might think that because you enjoyed being submissive under certain circumstances, that means you must agree to a whole host of submissive or masochistic behaviors that you're not necessarily into.

But that's absolutely wrong. You can — and should — pick and choose which BDSM activities you are and are not interested in, says Thorn. And that can vary depending on the situation, the partner, or even the day.

Just remember that consent is a requirement in BDSM , and it's possible to consent to one thing while still objecting to another. And actually, men who engaged in BDSM had lower scores of psychological distress than other men. The term "vanilla" isn't meant to be derogatory, just to refer to non-BDSM sexual acts or people who aren't interested in kink. If you ever find yourself at a BDSM meet-up or dungeon, don't mention any shade of grey.

All in all, it is not an accurate representation of the BDSM community. Again, since it isn't always about intercourse, you wouldn't necessarily say that you "had sex" or "hooked up" with someone after a BDSM experience. Instead, these are called scenes like, you scened with someone or you had a scene. So you've probably heard about dominants and submissives if not, the dominant enjoys being in charge, while the submissive enjoys receiving orders. But BDSMers may also use the terms "tops" and "bottoms" to describe themselves.

A top could refer to a dominant or a sadist someone who enjoys inflicting pain , while a bottom could refer to a submissive or a masochist someone who enjoys receiving pain. This allows you to have a blanket term for those who generally like being on either the giving or receiving end in a BDSM encounter. And there's no rule that says you can't be both dominant and submissive in different circumstances or with different partners.

Maybe the thought of being tied up excites you, or you enjoy spanking or being spanked. Basically, you can still be into kink without actually ever going to a dungeon. Using a blindfold or an ice cube or fuzzy handcuffs you got at a bachelorette party are all relatively harmless beginner behaviors if you're into them. But before you play around with some of the trickier tools, you need to learn how to do so safely.

Even a rope or a whip can be dangerous if you don't know what you're doing. Hell, you can even mess up with your own hands think: fisting : "[Some people] think they can clench a fist and stick it inside somebody," says Brame. If you're one of those people who throws away the directions and tries to build the bookshelf on intuition alone, BDSM is probably not for you. Please add them in the comments! Classes, conferences, and meet-ups are also helpful for learning specific techniques, says Thorn.

Another popular resource is FetLife. One mistake many people make when first experimenting with BDSM is relying on one person to show them the way. Even if they do have your best interest at heart and they might not , it can be limiting to only have one perspective on something that is so multidimensional, says Thorn.

It might sound cheesy, but it's a well-established norm in BDSM. And hey, your safe word could actually be "cheesy" if you want. You do you. For instance, not everyone uses safe words all the time after a while, but it's important to start out with them.

They can essentially be anything you want, as long as it's something that you wouldn't normally say during sex. This can be anything from ignoring safe words to using a whip incorrectly.

Seriously, did we mention that safety is paramount here? Getting swept up in the moment and accidentally stumbling into a millionaire's red room where you'll have multiple orgasms is probably not going to happen to you ever.

But, that's not necessarily a bad thing. It has to be the right place and right time and right equipment. And you have to know you can get the person out [of whatever bondage] if there's an emergency. You have to feel you can trust the person. Whenever people question the role of consent in BDSM, they should consider the enormous amount of communication that occurs before, during, and after the scenes.

Think of this as the primer before the scene. Not everyone who's interested in BDSM has multiple sexual or relationship partners. A lot of people just want to do it with their partner or play with the big toys at clubs. This is not a one-size-fits-all kink. There are light floggers, leather whips, whips with single tails, whips with multiple tails that are flat and wide, the list goes on, says Thorn.

But because certain types can be harsher than others, you really need to learn how to use them properly again, workshops are crucial. Like, um, the eyes, obviously. Or the kidney area. You can bruise your kidneys," explains Brame. If you're nervous about it, ask if they'd be interested in checking out a particular book or workshop you heard about. Or just talk about it in the context of sexual fantasies by asking your partner if they've ever tried anything like BDSM or if they've ever wanted to.

If you think about it, you're only risking one awkward conversation, and the payoff can be huge if this is something you want in your life. Maybe you're worried that your gynecologist or your lawyer won't be sensitive to your lifestyle or doesn't allow you to feel comfortable talking about it.

Posted on February 12, , GMT. Casey Gueren.

Bondage message boards

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