I just took the four children to the mall.

1 1/2 there. 1 1/2 back. To the mall, to Target, to Toys R Us and to the Carter’s Outlet. The play area! The carousel!!

I even cut my finger at Target and pulled a BANDAID out of the FIRST AID KIT I had in my diaper bag.

I feel like a god damn superwoman! WOOHOO!

(P.S. Thanks to the man and woman at the toy store who bribed Bubba with a sticker. It helped peel him off the sidewalk. And considering it was snowing, that was a good thing.)

(Heard through baby monitor)

Bug: What is that?

Butterfly: It’s a baby monitor.

Bug: Huh?

Butterfly: Your mom put it in here.

Bug: What is it?

Butterfly: It can do everything. Mommy says it tells her where we are and what we are doing and what we are saying.

Bug: No it doesn’t.

Butterfly: Yes it does.

Bug: No it doesn’t.

Butterfly: Yes IT DOES.

Bug: MOMMMM. Does this monitor tell you what we are doing and saying?

Me: Yes.

Butterfly: Told you.

Bug (whispering): You mean she can tell everything we are doing?

Butterfly: Yes. Now we can’t be bad.

Bug: Man. That sucks.

Some people have commented that Bug seems to have more issues since the kids showed up here.

I will say one thing that Bug has done..she has stopped taking responsibility for herself and turned the blame on to someone else. Completely.

She told her one teacher today that she stole $70 dollars from me because Butterfly gave her the money.

She told her second teacher today that her paper wasn’t done because Butterfly destroyed it.

The paper? Is sitting on the counter right now. Butterfly didn’t do anything to it. Bug just blamed it on her.

Every word out of her mouth is “Butterfly did it too. Butterfly gave me the food. Butterfly did it. Why isn’t Butterfly getting punished?”

Butterfly does do a lot wrong, but she didn’t destroy Bug’s paper. She didn’t force Bug to take my money to school and pass it out to her classmates. Bug just likes having someone to blame it on. I think that is her favorite part about having a sibling in the house.

My dad also thinks that maybe Bug figures that she is already super grounded, so why not get in more trouble. He said it was like when he was in Vietnam and they asked themselves, “What are they going to do to us, send us to Vietnam??”

Some people have commented that Bug seems to have more issues since the kids showed up here.

I will say one thing that Bug has done..she has stopped taking responsibility for herself and turned the blame on to someone else. Completely.

She told her one teacher today that she stole $70 dollars from me because Butterfly gave her the money.

She told her second teacher today that her paper wasn’t done because Butterfly destroyed it.

The paper? Is sitting on the counter right now. Butterfly didn’t do anything to it. Bug just blamed it on her.

Every word out of her mouth is “Butterfly did it too. Butterfly gave me the food. Butterfly did it. Why isn’t Butterfly getting punished?”

Butterfly does do a lot wrong, but she didn’t destroy Bug’s paper. She didn’t force Bug to take my money to school and pass it out to her classmates. Bug just likes having someone to blame it on. I think that is her favorite part about having a sibling in the house.

My dad also thinks that maybe Bug figures that she is already super grounded, so why not get in more trouble. He said it was like when he was in Vietnam and they asked themselves, “What are they going to do to us, send us to Vietnam??”

Me: Oh. That is so sad. I had gotten this package of Princess chocolate chip cookies to make. That is what your surprise was. But since you wanted to go into my office and sneak food while I was giving the babies a bath, then I’ll just eat the cookies myself and you can go to bed.

Bug: I didn’t take the food! I just ate it!

Butterfly: I didn’t take it! I just took some of it!

Me: Goodnight! I have to go make my cookies.

(10 minutes later)

Butterfly: I need a drink. I am real hungry. I wish I had been good because I am so hungry.

Me: Me too. It’s really sad.

Butterfly: I really think I should be able to get a cookie though. President Bush said all kids can have cookies. It’s our right.

Me: Ah. Well, I don’t like President Bush. But you go ahead and write him a letter.

Butterfly: I will! President Bush believes in cookies! You are being SO UNFAIR to me AND PRESIDENT BUSH!!!!!

Ipod looks like hell. Completely beat up.

And my 400 songs are gone and replaced with explicit gangsta’ rap.

Yay!

P.S. I found my keys. They were in the washing machine.

When we moved to the BDH, my Ipod went missing. I figured it had been packed away in a box somewhere. I had about five or six boxes that I hadn’t unpacked yet. But then I did. And it wasn’t there.

And I happened to mention it yesterday. That I couldn’t find it.

Today Bug’s teacher wrote to say Bug had a pink Ipod at school that “some girl had given her.” Her teacher knew it wasn’t true.

Apparently Bug took my Ipod around the time we moved. And gave it to a girl who gave it to another girl to charge. Who then gave it to a boy who gave it to a girl who gave it back to Bug today.

I hope they enjoyed the Avenue Q soundtrack.

This is a 300 dollar Ipod with around 400 dollars worth of songs.

The teacher said it is very scratched up. No idea whether my songs are still there. Most are on my computer still, but I did lose a lot when my hard drive crashed.

I have to go to the school now and pick it up.

I’m not happy. At least she can’t blame this on the other kids. This happened months before they came.

Not happy.

It is a little after 7 pm and the babies are in bed. Annie, the cleaning/babysitting gal was great. She’s only 18 and a little rough around the edges, but she was a hard worker. She did 7 1/2 hour today and is going to do 7 1/2 tomorrow. She lives with her boyfriend and doesn’t have a job so she is very happy to work 15 hours a week doing something she enjoys. The kitchen floor is swept and mopped. The girl’s room finally has posters on the wall.

Snowbaby had issues all day and Bug stole from a kid at school. But my floor is mopped and that makes a world of difference.

OK. Overnight pull-ups? He sleeps in pullups at night and he pees right before he goes to bed. Tonight while I was tucking him in:

Mom?

Yes?

I did it?

Yes! You did it!

I peed?

Yes! You peed!

I pee in potty?

Yes! You peed in the potty!

Yay?

Yay!!

I get stick?

Yes! You got a sticker in your book!

I GOT STICK. DAD TAKE ME BOAT. TAKE ME JOB. I PEED! YAY!

YAY!

But when he wakes up in the morning he is drenched in pee and so is his bed.

But there are overnight pullups??? Do tell.

What other tricks am I missing out on? Tell me your favorite kid trick or if you don’t have one, tell me your trick for the stack of sweaters I have that say “Dry Flat.” Where the hell am I supposed to dry them all? I am trying to get Geo to build me a sweater drying system. Except he has strep throat. So he is not doing it at the moment.

So tell me a secret tip that I should know. Or someone should know.

Here is mine: “Do not steal from people at school and then say your Mom gave you the item in question if your teacher has your Mom’s email. You’ll get busted.”

Is that useful?

Right?

But I tell you what…

When I finally finished my taxes and found out I would be getting a BIG refund back..well I got really happy. Really quick.

But that was really nothing compared to the happiness I got when I opened the four big boxes of stuff sent by you wonderful folks. Oh I cried. And I cried. And just typing about it now makes me cry.

And the potty book that one of you sent Bubba? And he read it and then went pee in the potty and then put a sticker on his head that says “I love my potty” and went to bed? Well, that made me pretty damn happy too.

The thrift store? That had the prettiest baby bedding set…the quilt, sheets, mattress pads, bumper..all for $5? Happy Happy Happy.

The Baby Phonics DVD that I bought for $1 at the dollar store? That has both of the little guys saying “Baby” and ”Bath” and “Duck” and “Puppy” and “Soapy” and “Bus” which basically doubled their vocabulary? Happy Happy.

One thing I realized (which I am sure you will all say..Um..no shit Baggage…) but one thing I realized is I do not need to be me three weeks ago. If I don’t do as much work, or have the house as clean or straighten my hair instead of putting it up in a ponytail..that doesn’t matter. I shouldn’t sit here and beat myself up because the floor isn’t spotless. But I have been. I was trying to live my life to the standards I had set for myself before I was the mother of four.

Which is impossible. I’m going to make an effort to be proud of myself for the small things. Did I chase Snowbaby around and make her giggle hysterically? Did I dance around the living room when Bubba went in the potty? Did Butterfly hug me before she ran into school? Did Bug come into the kitchen to ask, “Mommy, is there anything I can do to help you?”

Did I spend my day surrounded by beautiful children who hug me and smile and laugh and dance and sing, even if I didn’t mop the floor or my checking account balance is low?

Then everything is just fine.

I lost my voice. Never a good thing to lose when you have four children.

Bubba woke up multiple times last night. I had a dream that a woman gave birth to six babies and they were giving them to foster parents. But I already had Snowbaby so they didn’t let me have one and I was upset.

Butterfly ate the poptarts that were for breakfast in the middle of the night. I think I am going to get one of those doorbell alarms that ding when the kids leave their bedroom. I’m also going to put a lock on the pantry. And a big bowl of fruit and granola bars that the big girls pick out that they can get whenever they want. I want her to feel secure about food, but I can’t have them roaming around in the middle of the night eating junk. I don’t care if they eat in the middle of the night, but I want it to be healthy and I want to know when they are up and roaming.

I want my voice.

Off to finish the rest of the house. Got a therapist visiting for Bug tonight.