Haircuts..Other foster parents?
Aurelia said:
I assume that regulations cary from state to state, and from province to province?
Only because I know some other foster parents and they don’t have to go through that kind of scrutiny, like to the level of haircuts.
I am sure that they do vary, although I think the haircut rule is pretty standard throughout the US.
Other foster parents, do you have to get permission from birth parents or social workers to give your foster children haircuts?
August 3rd, 2008 at 5:33 pm
For us, it’s always a good idea to check with the worker, who may or may not check with the family. In general, we can keep the same hairstyle they arrived with, but we would need permission to change the style, or make other changes.
As it seems in many other situations — it depends on the worker, and depends on the case. It’s always a good idea to protect yourself from objection.
August 3rd, 2008 at 5:56 pm
I don’t know if it’s actually a written policy, but yes, we want foster parents to ask us before they cut a child’s hair. This seems to be a very sensitive issue with bio parents. I have seen bio parents get very, very upset when a foster parent has cut a child’s hair without them knowing. I think it’s an ownership and identity issue. I have also seen bio parents change a baby or toddler’s clothes completely in the first minutes of a visit, so that the child is wearing their clothes instead of clothes the fp has provided.
August 3rd, 2008 at 6:15 pm
When we were considered foster (rather than adoptive) parents, we did have to get permission for absolutely everything from haircuts to going to the doctor to deal with something to dental appointments. And that’s even though the TPR had already been taken care of and the kids were crown wards.. Agency policy.
August 3rd, 2008 at 6:17 pm
I should have said - we’re in Canada. Ontario, to be specific.
August 3rd, 2008 at 6:35 pm
We’ve never asked. Our first foster daughter was 16, and I wasn’t going to argue (much) about what she did with her hair. Our second foster child wasn’t here long enough to need a cut, and our third child (the one we are trying to adopt) never had birth parents in the picture.
Now we haven’t really cut her hair, just trimmed, and nobody has said one thing about it to us.
August 3rd, 2008 at 6:51 pm
We have to ask the bio parents if we can cut their hair here is Michigan. We can trim or cut their bangs if they need it with out asking though. But we can change their style or color with out asking.
August 3rd, 2008 at 7:10 pm
I know that Slugger’s foster parents were reported by his previous adoptive parents (who still had legal rights) for having his hair cut. I think it’s so incredibly stupid.
August 3rd, 2008 at 7:14 pm
HI I will catch up i a bit,,, YES we did.
August 3rd, 2008 at 7:17 pm
I needed birth parent approval for my son’s first haircut. He was 18 months old and couldn’t see through the hair hanging down his face. Birthmom wanted a lock of it. My other foster children always kept the same style (more or less) and I never bothered getting approval.
August 3rd, 2008 at 8:36 pm
We’re not supposed to, but after birthparents couldn’t visit or see them anymore, DSS said we could go ahead and do trims as long as we kept the same hairstyle in case they DID get to go back.
August 3rd, 2008 at 9:38 pm
Yep, we have to get permission from the bio parents. Once we had a child with SEVERE lice that wouldn’t go away after several attempts and she had long, thick hair and our Dr actually told us that if we wanted to get rid of it, we would have to cut her hair. The Bio parents weren’t happy, but we had to do it, without their permission (but we had the agency’s permission, of course). In general though we have to get permission from the bio parents (the agency usually gets it in writing before we can cut it).
August 3rd, 2008 at 10:02 pm
In Australia we had to get permission to trim a fringe (aka bangs) so we could see the five year old underneath. Even though the birthparent was hiding from the agency and wouldn’t take phone calls. We also needed permission to kill the insane amount of headlice she had.
August 3rd, 2008 at 10:05 pm
We did have to get permission, but I would’ve regardless, they were not my kids. I have a thing about that, I wouldn’t even let my foster kids call me mom.
August 3rd, 2008 at 10:27 pm
Yup, we had to get permission from the birth parents before we cut their hair, information that was passed through the social worker on the case.
August 3rd, 2008 at 11:20 pm
Nobody has ever enforced this with our teens, but I know it is a big deal with the littles in foster care. We are in Texas.
August 4th, 2008 at 12:47 am
Pennsylvania here: Yes, we need permission to cut hair.
August 4th, 2008 at 12:50 am
In our case that’s a big YES. Of course if you go ahead and do it the level of trouble you get in depends on how much the worker likes/hates you.
August 4th, 2008 at 3:05 am
Interesting–and pretty sad. I think about kids at various ages and how as they get older, this stuff must drive them crazy, because I remember being a teen and cutting my own hair…or just going out and getting it cut somewhere and not asking anyone.
I’m in Ontario, but again, I think it varies from social worker to social worker and agency to agency, because the people I mentioned don’t have to do that. But then again, they might just have a nice worker and have worked out an understanding.
Again, I’m so sorry that you and Callie have to go through that.
August 4th, 2008 at 8:17 am
Yes we have to get permission here as well- for a first haircut. Once we have permission from the bioparents, we don’t have to get it again for each haircut (as long as we’re not changing the style).
August 4th, 2008 at 9:17 am
Yes, haircuts need permission, as do baptisms, church membership, dating, sleepovers,and just about every other thing you can think of. The kids don’t belong to me legally. It’s one of the few things that birth parents can actually still control. It’s a pain, but I won’t begrudge them what little they have.
That said, it’s usually been the cw who tells me yes when I ask.
August 4th, 2008 at 9:30 am
In Oregon you need permission to do anything with a foster child’s hair. I can’t even trim their bangs. I know why they have that rule though because when my kids came from their last foster home the FM had cut all their hair and it looked like she put bowls on their heads and trimmed with a dull knife. She even did it to the girls.
August 4th, 2008 at 11:48 am
In Nevada we have most of those same rules, permission to cut hair, permission to leave the State, permission to have sleep overs.
I ignore all of them…every single one. I would not recommend anyone else do this but in my house we went for the first seven months without ever hearing from a case worker. No phone calls, no visits, nothing. In under two years my boys have had 12 different case workers. They don’t care a whit what I do with their hair, they barely know they exist.
August 4th, 2008 at 12:00 pm
I’m in the same state as you but, yes. For haircuts, trips, babysitters, everything.
August 4th, 2008 at 7:54 pm
If it was just a trim it was not a big deal. I did let the case manager know and as long as she approved or asked parents it was ok. The first time I had one girl’s trimmed, the mom did complain and said I had “bangs” cut into the hair. I didn’t. It was still stick straight, no bangs, just the ends were neatly trimmed. I just let that roll off my back.
I was also told that anything medical they needed, as long as I discussed with casae manager it was ok. Such as a tooth was rotten on a same child, it was grey. The dentist said it needed to come out due to possible infection or damage to her permenant tooth. This is the same child who was 4 years old and hadn’t had updated shots since 18 months old. So that tells you her health wasn’t taken care of in a timely manner at home. But she was sent home after 3 months… Hate our judge.
August 5th, 2008 at 5:04 pm
Ithink most states have this type of rule and I’ve always thought it was pretty stupid. I think some of the rules must be there to protect the kids… for instance there are probably people out there who would try to drastically change the child’s hair cut/style, and I mean there’s even people who will try to change a foster child’s RELIGION! But other rules seem to just be there to protect DSS from getting sued for some reason and to make kids feel abnormal!
August 23rd, 2008 at 12:55 pm
We’re in KY, and the short answer is YES to all of the permissions you must get before doing anything with or to your foster child. You must ask the worker, and depending on the case, permission-seeking can end with the worker granting it. If you have a worker who is FOR you and the child, it’s a piece of cake. If not, it can be a nightmare of paperwork.
Bit-Bit’s adoption will be final in Oct or Nov, and we still had to get permission to take her to FL for vacation (not from birth parents, but from CPS).