Comments on: What to do. http://baggageandbug.com/2007/06/20/what-to-do/ Wed, 07 Jan 2009 13:08:28 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.0.4 by: Amanda http://baggageandbug.com/2007/06/20/what-to-do/#comment-13702 Wed, 27 Jun 2007 12:39:24 +0000 http://baggageandbug.com/2007/06/20/what-to-do/#comment-13702 No advice, just love and good thoughts. No advice, just love and good thoughts.

]]> by: christine http://baggageandbug.com/2007/06/20/what-to-do/#comment-13347 Fri, 22 Jun 2007 20:56:50 +0000 http://baggageandbug.com/2007/06/20/what-to-do/#comment-13347 i second what cluttergirl said. i second what cluttergirl said.

]]> by: Cricket http://baggageandbug.com/2007/06/20/what-to-do/#comment-13342 Fri, 22 Jun 2007 19:13:35 +0000 http://baggageandbug.com/2007/06/20/what-to-do/#comment-13342 No advice except to say that I've been thinking of you for days with this. I wonder if getting her would only put off a few years you getting a baby. Then potentially, you'd have a couple adults in the household, which would be a benefit. No advice except to say that I’ve been thinking of you for days with this.

I wonder if getting her would only put off a few years you getting a baby. Then potentially, you’d have a couple adults in the household, which would be a benefit.

]]> by: Sarah http://baggageandbug.com/2007/06/20/what-to-do/#comment-13319 Fri, 22 Jun 2007 13:43:01 +0000 http://baggageandbug.com/2007/06/20/what-to-do/#comment-13319 I noticed that you said that "she really wants to be adopted," but you didn't say "I really want to adopt her." You are such a caring, generous person & you want to help so many children & fulfill their dreams. You are doing enough (maybe too much by some standards). My two cents: focus on the little beans you have (you're doing great with them even with the financial and emotional struggles). And later consider what you did say you want in the future: a baby. As far as the mental retardation goes, it may be a struggle living with her due to comprehension issues. And finding placements in the day programs/group homes/independent living is challenging since the demand far outpaces the supply, especially in rural areas (not sure where you are). Best of luck! I noticed that you said that “she really wants to be adopted,” but you didn’t say “I really want to adopt her.” You are such a caring, generous person & you want to help so many children & fulfill their dreams. You are doing enough (maybe too much by some standards). My two cents: focus on the little beans you have (you’re doing great with them even with the financial and emotional struggles). And later consider what you did say you want in the future: a baby.
As far as the mental retardation goes, it may be a struggle living with her due to comprehension issues. And finding placements in the day programs/group homes/independent living is challenging since the demand far outpaces the supply, especially in rural areas (not sure where you are).
Best of luck!

]]> by: cluttergirl http://baggageandbug.com/2007/06/20/what-to-do/#comment-13272 Fri, 22 Jun 2007 03:03:50 +0000 http://baggageandbug.com/2007/06/20/what-to-do/#comment-13272 Hiya. You know what my gut feeling is? don't do it. This is a lifelong responsibility for another adult. I have a cousin who is highfunctioning, lived in a group home, had a job etc. And she is a very large responsibility for her two siblings and her two parents in a stable married relationship. Behaviour problems have increased with age (she is now in her early 40's) not decreased. This just gives me a bad gut feeling. As I have mostly been reading posts that you are overextended already, emotionally, healthwise, resources, financially, timewise. If you were swimming in cash, had longterm financial stability (I am talking about to your retirement), lots of services within half hour drive or less, a large extended committed family or social group and settled family life so you had all sorts of extra time and energy to take on a young adult with all that will entail (moving out, so dealing with her not under your own roof, employment, job training, etc etc), I would say go for it. But I think you have SOOO much on your plate now. There, bad me for giving my two cents worth. But I agree with Lise. You are a wonderful wonderful person willing to extend yourself and spread yourself so thin if it can help one more soul. But sometimes you should listen to your body. You know I will support you if you decide to do it though. Peace. Hiya.
You know what my gut feeling is?
don’t do it.
This is a lifelong responsibility for another adult. I have a cousin who is highfunctioning, lived in a group home, had a job etc. And she is a very large responsibility for her two siblings and her two parents in a stable married relationship. Behaviour problems have increased with age (she is now in her early 40’s) not decreased.

This just gives me a bad gut feeling. As I have mostly been reading posts that you are overextended already, emotionally, healthwise, resources, financially, timewise. If you were swimming in cash, had longterm financial stability (I am talking about to your retirement), lots of services within half hour drive or less, a large extended committed family or social group and settled family life so you had all sorts of extra time and energy to take on a young adult with all that will entail (moving out, so dealing with her not under your own roof, employment, job training, etc etc), I would say go for it.

But I think you have SOOO much on your plate now.

There, bad me for giving my two cents worth. But I agree with Lise. You are a wonderful wonderful person willing to extend yourself and spread yourself so thin if it can help one more soul. But sometimes you should listen to your body. You know I will support you if you decide to do it though.

Peace.

]]> by: Julie http://baggageandbug.com/2007/06/20/what-to-do/#comment-13242 Thu, 21 Jun 2007 20:07:45 +0000 http://baggageandbug.com/2007/06/20/what-to-do/#comment-13242 Don't want to offer advice- just let you know I am thinking about you as you consider this- it is a tough decision. Don’t want to offer advice- just let you know I am thinking about you as you consider this- it is a tough decision.

]]> by: Lise in NJ http://baggageandbug.com/2007/06/20/what-to-do/#comment-13230 Thu, 21 Jun 2007 17:40:18 +0000 http://baggageandbug.com/2007/06/20/what-to-do/#comment-13230 I really respect your hard work with all your kids, and I think you have a heart full of so much love that you want to take on any and every challenge for any kid. That said, I think you've got to be cautious, for your sake and Bug's sake, before you move towards an adoption like this. You're going to be facing college costs in what, six years, and you've been saddled with money woes because of the service limitations where you are. Maybe you need to let concern for the kids you have right now filter what you think you can do for others? I really respect your hard work with all your kids, and I think you have a heart full of so much love that you want to take on any and every challenge for any kid. That said, I think you’ve got to be cautious, for your sake and Bug’s sake, before you move towards an adoption like this. You’re going to be facing college costs in what, six years, and you’ve been saddled with money woes because of the service limitations where you are. Maybe you need to let concern for the kids you have right now filter what you think you can do for others?

]]> by: Jo in Utah http://baggageandbug.com/2007/06/20/what-to-do/#comment-13228 Thu, 21 Jun 2007 17:19:11 +0000 http://baggageandbug.com/2007/06/20/what-to-do/#comment-13228 I wonder if she qualifies for the medicaid waiver program in your state? If so, the waiver is a life long program and would be very helpful. If she doesn't have any behavior problems, I really don't see why you couldn't adopt a baby in the future. Good luck and of course you know I will support you in whatever decision you make. I wonder if she qualifies for the medicaid waiver program in your state? If so, the waiver is a life long program and would be very helpful. If she doesn’t have any behavior problems, I really don’t see why you couldn’t adopt a baby in the future. Good luck and of course you know I will support you in whatever decision you make.

]]> by: humincat http://baggageandbug.com/2007/06/20/what-to-do/#comment-13224 Thu, 21 Jun 2007 16:03:59 +0000 http://baggageandbug.com/2007/06/20/what-to-do/#comment-13224 I'm really glad things are going as well as they are that you are even willing to consider more kids. Your heart is generous and loving, but can your pocketbook be? Can you try it for a short time, like a weekend or something? I know that sounds weird, but what if she gets in your home and decides she doesn't really like babies or thinks Callie is a threat? Respite! Thats the word, can you do respite for her and see how it works. I think a baby is in your future but this one may be grown and gone by that time. I’m really glad things are going as well as they are that you are even willing to consider more kids. Your heart is generous and loving, but can your pocketbook be? Can you try it for a short time, like a weekend or something? I know that sounds weird, but what if she gets in your home and decides she doesn’t really like babies or thinks Callie is a threat? Respite! Thats the word, can you do respite for her and see how it works. I think a baby is in your future but this one may be grown and gone by that time.

]]> by: jess http://baggageandbug.com/2007/06/20/what-to-do/#comment-13221 Thu, 21 Jun 2007 15:14:14 +0000 http://baggageandbug.com/2007/06/20/what-to-do/#comment-13221 Good luck with your decisions. And as for Callie you guys are still in the honeymoon phase, hopefully things won't change dramatically once that part is over. Good luck with your decisions. And as for Callie you guys are still in the honeymoon phase, hopefully things won’t change dramatically once that part is over.

]]>