Check #2421
The foster kids that I was going to get a couple weeks ago had a possibility of coming here today. I’m guessing that there is probably still a chance, but as it gets later..I figure less and less of a chance.
Being a foster parent can be tough because you have to walk a fine line between wanting children in your home and knowing what happens to get them here. Of course I would be thrilled to have those kids here but if they come, then that means that they have entered into “the system” and who knows when they will come out. So I’ve been sitting here all day, watching the clock. Wanting them to come but not wanting them too at the same time.
Meanwhile, I was planning to write a post about how Bug made her first ever basket in her game this Saturday and how she has a cold and gave it to me and how proud I am of her for being so interested in helping out St. Jude’s.
Before I did that, however, I wanted to take a quick look at my bank account to see what checks had cleared and whether my deposits had posted.
Check 2405 had and so had 2406. Not 2407, but 2408 had.
And 2421??
I flipped through my checkbook. Why would I have written 2421 if the next check was 2409? Luckily, my bank puts a scan of every check on the internet so I could pull it up.
2421 to Bug’s school?? And then I look.
My first name is missing one letter.
My last name started with a capital cursive letter, except I never write the first letter of my last name in cursive. I always write it in print and the rest of my name in cursive.
And those numbers. $20.00. Looks very similar to someone else’s handwriting.
A certain 10 year old.
Bug had taken a check out of my checkbook, written a 20 dollar check to her school and forged my signature. The school had taken it and cashed it.
Why? I mean, I had just sent in a check for lunch money a few days before.
Because my check only covers the basic lunch and breakfast and Bug wanted to buy extra drinks and extra food and extra dessert.
I haven’t had to talk about Bug taking food without permission for awhile now. She’s gotten much better. Everytime we go shopping, she picks out a selection of fruit that she is allowed to eat whenever she wants, without asking. She gets three meals a day, a snack after school, usually dessert at night. Plus unlimited fruit.
But she can’t take things without asking, like the three packages of cookies she ate on Wednesday. She takes them into the toilet with her. Into the shower.
Now, I can see where someone would think that this was just a case of Bug not understanding that checks=real money, but Bug understands that. She also understands why it is not ok to forge checks…in fact, she will be the first to tell you that her mother went to prison for forging checks.
It is all just disappointing. She takes 5 steps forward and 4 steps back. 5 forward, 4 back. If she hasn’t been food deprived, she has unlimited fruit and drinks, plus three meals and two snacks a day…then I don’t understand why she is still having so many food issues.
I guess it’s time to make another appointment with the therapist.
Oh speaking of, I’m taking someone’s suggestion (Amanda?) and am trying to get on lexapro. I’m still having extreme amounts of exhaustion. Still don’t know if it is physical/depression/both. I’ve got an appointment tomorrow to talk to a doctor where I am going to try to get my blood tested as well as my thyroid. I have a lot of symptoms that could be attributed to my thryoid, but of course, they could be other things as well. I’m not sure what is wrong with me, but I’m still working to try to figure it out.
Technorati Tags: foster care, parenting, behavior
January 29th, 2007 at 10:28 pm
OH MY GOD
I’d go ape on this one…this is ridiculous, forging a cheque? This is completely outrageous, yes therapy is good, but does she get that this is the kind of thing that could have consequences on her life forever? Groan…I know she’s ten, probably doesn’t get it, but still, oh Bug.
I hope the Doctor’s appointment for you goes well. It can’t hurt to find out and it just may help at least with the physical exhaustion. Sending you ginormous hugs honey!
January 29th, 2007 at 10:29 pm
Well, to Bug’s credit, I didn’t even know how to write out a check until I was in college. Too bad she is using her intelligence in that manner though.
And my friend is on Lexapro. She loves it. She calls them her “happy pills.” That’s the one for both anxiety and depression, right? I think so but I’m not sure because she’s on another depression med as well.
January 29th, 2007 at 11:21 pm
I was wondering about the freaking food issues thing myself the other day.
Why? Why is the damn food such a problem for my 11 year old and I?
It is so hard to talk about because so many other people just don’t get it when you try and explain it.
Mine doesn’t take food but the freaking issues he can bring up around it make me crazy.
January 29th, 2007 at 11:59 pm
In addition to being ALL over bug for forging a check, I think I’d be all over my bank for cashing a check that’s an obvious forgery.
January 30th, 2007 at 12:41 am
Oy.
January 30th, 2007 at 2:47 am
Toots takes food whenever she can get the chance. Has been known to hide it, too. That may be one of the only good things about having your kid in a psych hospital - there’s no way to get extra goodies on the sly. She is losing weight there on a combination of “no seconds” and lots of exercise.
She hasn’t forged any checks, but she has stolen money from friends (not recently) and has shoplifted twice (that we know about). We have been trying our best to impress her with the possible consequences of these behaviors. Don’t know if we’ve had much success yet.
These survivor kids are worth it, but oooh, it gets tiring.
January 30th, 2007 at 3:29 am
Oh, Baggage… I’m sorry you’ve got one more hurdle. I’m pulling for you and Bug.
January 30th, 2007 at 4:15 am
I am so sorry. Frustrating, disappointing. I really think the food issues just have to do with control. Good idea to talk to the therapist. Hope you feel better soon!
January 30th, 2007 at 7:25 am
Oh dear - poor you and poor Bug. What a mess! You writing about Bug’s issues in this department have really made me look at my own relationships with food which has been great for me. I grew up pretty priveleged in many ways (nuclear middle class family) but many aspects of my mothers parenting were “less than desirable” and when I am reading about attachment parenting to prepare for the impending birth of my first child I see some attachment issues in myself. Your descriptions of Bug around food really do reflect some of my own. I remember “stealing” food out of our fridge and eating in secret when I was a child, some things that are real food (eg: ice cream) and some things that are clearly weird for a young child (eg: blocks of cream cheese). I also developed unhealthy and inappropriate attachments to older and inappropriate people which left me open to abuse. Thank you so much for sharing this stuff, since it seems to be giving me some insight into myself as you do!
January 30th, 2007 at 10:51 am
I’m sorry for you. Of course Bug was way out of line but I would be a bit angry with the bank and the school too.
January 30th, 2007 at 12:41 pm
Oh wow. I’m so sorry you are having to deal with this. It must be so hard. And I can imagine Bug thinks she got away with something which will make it much harder to stop as she goes along. I too was a food stealer/hoarder which goes a long way to explain why I look the way I do. I’m still working on it to this day. You are in my thoughts and prayers.
January 30th, 2007 at 5:12 pm
I’m really sorry to hear that. I think I’d at least ask the school why they deposited the check - an obviously forged check - in the first place. Not that Bug isn’t ultimately responsible, but it looks like she had plenty of “help” there.
If you’ve got problems with your thyroid, it can mimic, or be responsible for, depression. The blood test should be able to pick that up. That’s one of my first symptoms if I forget to order my Synthroid and go without for a day or two - I just don’t want to get out of bed. *hugs* Good luck.
January 31st, 2007 at 1:29 am
If she’s taking five steps forward and four steps back, at least she’s slowly but surely going forward! She’s lucky to have such a patient and loving mom… When I worked with kids with behavior problems, I knew PLENTY of foster and even adoptive parents who gave up on their kids for less reason than that!
February 1st, 2007 at 1:13 am
That must be so hard to deal with. She is a smart one though! You just have to keep on her every second so those five steps forward keep adding up faster than the ones backward… no wonder you are exhausted girl.