Nope
Aurelia asked if my comment about Geo sex was a big hint that we are back together and the answer is “NOPE.”
And I’m happy.
We’ve been hanging out, he’s been doing things with Bug, we’ve been having fun. We’ve had some very serious talks in which I learned a lot. There were some things that I thought were quite clear between us which apparently weren’t clear at all. I was quite shocked about the way he felt about certain things, some very good and some not so good. In the end, I felt like we were forced to take a really hard look at some things and we both learned a lot in the process.
In the meantime, we have been getting along good. He truly is my best friend, and I’m glad that I didn’t have to throw that away.
As I explained on my TTC blog it is all a matter of timing. I want to try for kids now. I don’t want to wait. Although I would like to have kids with him some day, the biological makeup of my children is not important to me. The only reason I am trying to have a biological baby is because I want to raise a child from close to birth. I don’t care that the child will be related to me biologically. And I don’t really care if a child is related to Geo or not. (Except it would be cheaper to try than sperm donation!)
It all is unconventional and kind of strange, but it is working for us. I don’t know what will happen in the future. Maybe we will end up married. Maybe we will live together as roommates. Either way, after talking to Bug’s shrinks and doing a lot of thinking, I could not in good conscious eliminate someone who loved her and she loved out of her life, simply because he talked to some other girls on the phone. He didn’t sleep with them, he didn’t even take them out to dinner. He has gone out of his way to try to rectify the situation, he’s admitted he was wrong, he has offered to go to counseling..he’s done everything he can do to make it up to me. And in retrospect, some of the things I was doing (probably as a result of my stress and depression over the surgery and the after effects) were not at all good and were unfair to him.
But that is between me and him, and not Bug. Bug has lost SO much in her life, she doesn’t need to lose the person who plays four-square with her and lets her work on race cars and tries to show her how to bowl.
Geo and I don’t want to lose each other either. Maybe we’ll never end up married and live happily ever after, but for now, we are all happy. We care enough about each other and about Bug to make a situation that works for all of us.
It’s working for us and we are happy.
November 27th, 2006 at 8:31 pm
Check out the perspective on you!
I’m very glad y’all are finding a way that works for now, and that you’ve not dug in your heels, that you’re being flexible and realistic.
November 27th, 2006 at 8:59 pm
You do what is best for you when it is best for you.
Go you!
November 27th, 2006 at 9:20 pm
So are you knitting instead?
November 27th, 2006 at 10:12 pm
I love the new template, the colors are great!
I think that is wise, because as you said bug has already lost so much. It will be good for her to have that back!
November 27th, 2006 at 10:23 pm
Well, it’s good to know something one way or the other! At least you know in your head and your heart how you feel. And although it would be cheaper to use his sperm, it might make things very messy later, in terms of parenting, your friendship etc…I’m glad you guys seem like you’re on an even keel anyway.
November 27th, 2006 at 10:55 pm
So glad to hear that hear that you guys are finding ways to work this out!
November 27th, 2006 at 11:01 pm
I’m very happy for you.
November 28th, 2006 at 3:24 am
Yay for you girl - and girls.
November 28th, 2006 at 3:52 am
Good for you for doing what feels right to you. The nice thing about deciding to do the donor thing is it means that you and Geo have all the time you need to figure out your relationship (be it friendship or more).
November 28th, 2006 at 9:01 am
I get it, totally. I think you and I have been in similar situations. I had the clean out my women parts surgery and needed to move on having children NOW, whereas D, who has no sense that time passes, was much more reluctant to move on it.
So we did the sperm thing (we had male factor IF, but still it was hard for other people to understand…since he is the father on the birth certificate and yet we live apart, yadda yadda). We are just weird and people have to deal with it. It works for us and if this works for you, then it is right.
I totally get the part about not taking away someone who loves Bug. D and I had a major problem in our relationship last year when he lied to me about some health issues. I think it is difficult but possible to set your own boundaries within a relationship and still keep the good parts that work–especially for the kids involved.
I really wish you good luck on the TTC thing and with Geo and, of course, always with Bug. Cool new blog, as well!
November 28th, 2006 at 3:28 pm
I am so happy for you all. Whatever works for you is great- who cares if it is “unconventional”
November 30th, 2006 at 5:58 am
Hmmm, well this is all quite heartening. Sounds like a good thing to work on it and see what will make everyone happy. Kids make a real difference in relationships. I think it is definitely because of artsyguy’s kids that I am around at all still. It is hard enough as an adult to lose people.